Businessman Jokes / Recent Jokes

A businessman was having a tough time lugging his lumpy, oversized travelbag onto the plane. Helped by a flight attendant, he finally managed tostuff it in the overhead bin. "Do you always carry such heavy luggage?" she sighed."No more," the man said. "Next time, I'm riding in the bag, and my partner can buy the ticket!"

A businessman was in a great deal of trouble. His business was failing, he had put everything he had into the business, he owed everybody - it was so bad he was even contemplating suicide. As a last resort he went to a priest and poured out his story of tears and woe.
When he had finished, the priest said, "Here's what I want you to do: Put a beach chair and your Bible in your car and drive down to the beach. Take the beach chair and the Bible to the water's edge, sit down in the beach chair, and put the Bible in your lap. Open the Bible; the wind will rifle the pages, but finally the open Bible will come to rest on a page. Look down at the page and read the first thing you see. That will be your answer, that will tell you what to do."
A year later the businessman went back to the priest and brought his wife and children with him. The man was in a new custom-tailored suit, his wife in a mink coat, the children shining. The businessman pulled an envelope stuffed with more...

There was a businessman, and he was feeling really crook, and he went to see the Doctor about it.
The doctor says to him, "Well, it must be your diet, what sort of greens do you eat?"
The man replies, "Well, actually, I only eat peas, I hate all other green foods."
The doctor was quite shocked at this and says, "Well man, that's your problem, all those peas will be clogging up your system, you'll have to give them up!!"
The guy says, "But how long for, I mean I really like peas!"
The doctor replies, "Forever, I'm afraid"
The man is quite shocked by this, but he gives it a go and sure enough, his condition improves, so he realises that he will never eat a pea again.
Anyway, one night, years later, he's at a convention for his employer and getting quite sloshed.
One of the reps says, "Well, actually, I'd love a cigarette, because I haven't had a smoke in four years, I gave it up."
Quite a more...

A businessman tells his friend that his company is looking for a new accountant. His friend asks, "Didnt your company hire a new accountant a few weeks ago?"The businessman replies, "Thats the accountant were looking for."

A businessman who needed millions of dollars to clinch an important deal went to church to pray for the money. By chance he knelt next to a man who was praying for $100 to pay an urgent debt.
The businessman took out his wallet and pressed $100 into the other man's hand. Overjoyed, the man got up and left the church. The businessman then closed his eyes and prayed, "And now, Lord, that I have your undivided attention..."

A businessman was interviewing applicants for the position of divisional manager. He devised a simple test to select the most suitable person for the job. He asked each applicant the question, "What is two and two?"
The first interviewee was a journalist. His answer was "twenty-two."
The second applicant was an engineer. He pulled out a calculator and showed the answer to be between 3. 999 and 4. 001.
The next person was a lawyer. He stated that in the case of Jenkins v. Comm. of Stamp Duties, two and two was proven to be four.
The last applicant was an accountant. The businessman asked him, "How much is two and two?"
The accountant got up from his chair, went over to the door, closed it then came back and sat down. He leaned across the desk and said in a low voice, "How much do you want it to be?"

The train was travelling along when a beautiful young woman entered the compartment which was deserted except for a businessman reading his paper. The man peered over his paper and asked "Would you let me fuck you for a dollar?"
"Certainly not!" exclaimed the young woman, and the businessman returned to his paper. A short while later he looked across again and said "Would you let me fuck you for a million dollars?"
After a brief pause, the woman replied "yes, I suppose I would." Again the man returned to his newspaper. A few minutes later the man asked "Would you let me fuck you for five dollars?"
"Certainly not!" replied the young woman, getting angry now "What kind of girl do you take me for?" "We've already established that" replied the man, "We're just haggling over the price!"