Businessman Jokes / Recent Jokes

Thanks for the mail from those who enjoyed previous postings of anecdotes.
For the interested (and the record) these are mainly taken from THE LITTLE
BROWN BOOK OF ANECDOTES, edited by Clifton Fadiman.
In his legal practice, Abraham Lincoln was never greedy for fees
and discouraged unnecessary litigation. A man came to him in a passion,
asking him to bring a suit for $2.50 against an impoverished debtor.
Lincoln tried to dissuade him, but the man was determined upon revenge.
When he say that the creditor was not to be put off, Lincoln asked for
and got $10 as his legal fee. He gave half of this to the defendant,
who thereupon willingly confessed to the debt and paid up the $2.50,
thus settling the matter to the entire satisfaction of the irate
plaintiff.
In Paris for the funeral of French president Georges Pompidou in
1974, Nixon remarked, "This is a great day for France."
Shortly after John F. Kennedy blocked the hike more...

The FishermanOne day a fisherman was lying on a beautiful beach, with his fishing pole propped up in the sand and his solitary line cast out into the sparkling blue surf. He was enjoying the warmth of the afternoon sun and the prospect of catching a fish. About that time, a businessman came walking down the beach, trying to relieve some of the stress of his workday. He noticed the fisherman sitting on the beach and decided to find out why this fisherman was fishing instead of working harder to make a living for himself and his family." You aren't going to catch many fish that way," said the businessman to the fisherman, "you should be working rather than lying on the beach!"The fisherman looked up at the businessman, smiled and replied, "And what will my reward be?" "Well, you can get bigger nets and catch more fish!" was the businessman's answer." And then what will my reward be?" asked the fisherman, still smiling. The businessman more...

April 15th is Tax Day in the USA. Here's some humor to help you through it.
A businessman on his deathbed called his friend and said, "Bill, I want you to promise me that when I die you will have my remains cremated."
"And what," his friend asked, "do you want me to do with your ashes?"
The businessman said, "Just put them in an envelope and mail them to the Internal Revenue Service, and write on the envelope, 'Now you have everything'."
I just heard the most marvelous rumor of them all... that Form 1040 has been found to cause cancer in laboratory rats!
A new arrival, about to enter a hospital, saw two white-coated doctors searching through the flower beds.
"Excuse me," he said, "have you lost something?"
"No," replied one of the doctors. "We're doing a heart transplant for an income-tax inspector and need to find a suitable stone."
Dear IRS,
I would like to cancel my more...

A western businessman was conducting his Japanese guest around the busy city. Because of traffic congestion they used bus and underground railway. The businessman was proud of his local knowledge of the system, and by clever use of the map and timetable, he got them to their various destinations much quicker than the average tourist could have done. He was particularly proud of one trick: "There, we saved twenty minutes by changing trains and taking the other line". The Japanese smiled broadly. When they got to their station, the businessman hustled the other up the stairs, and out into the fresh air. Nearby was a secluded little grassy area with some seats. The Japanese sat down, and looked benevolently on the world passing by. "Hey, what are you doing just sitting there?" gasped the western businessman. "Oh, I'm just using up the 20 minutes we saved on the train".

Four life-long friends, a doctor, lawyer, professor, and a businessman, belonging to the same exclusive club had made a pact.

When one dies, they agreed, the others will lay $5, 000 each on his coffin so he''ll have some spending money in the after life.

Well, one day the professor passes away. At his funeral the three friends took turns going up to the coffin and paying their respects.

The doctor was first, laying 50 $100 bills inside the casket.

Next was the businessman, tearfully placing his $5, 000 cash next to his deceased friend.

Then the lawyer approached the coffin. .... wrote out a check for $15, 000. .. laid it in the casket, and picked up the 10 grand in cash.

A successful businessman flew to Vegas for the weekend to gamble. He lost the shirt off his back, and had nothing left but a quarter and the second half of his roundtrip ticket -- If he could just get to the airport he could get himself home.

So he went out to the front of the casino where there was a cab waiting. He got in and explained his situation to the cabbie. He promised to send the driver money from home, he offered him his credit card numbers, his drivers license number, his address, etc. but to no avail.

The cabbie said (adopt appropriate accent), "If you don't have fifteen dollars, get the hell out of my cab!" So the businessman was forced to hitch hike to the airport and barely caught his flight.

One year later the businessman, having worked long and hard to regain his financial success, returned to Vegas and this time he won big. Feeling pretty good about himself, he went out to the front of the casino to get a cab ride back to more...

A businessman was traveling in the train and his seat was reserved in the last couch of the train. Every time the train stops at station and he faced so much of problem as all shops to purchase eatables were far off. He was very upset and every time he was remembering thats all happened because I am in the last couch. When he got down at the destination station, he asked the station person that he wants to lodge a complaint against the railway staff. The complaints and suggestions book was given to him and he wrote: " There should not be any last couch in the train. If there is any last couch in the train, it should be kept somewhere in the middle.