Busy Jokes / Recent Jokes
* I'm out of estrogen. I have a gun. * Guys have feelings, too. But like... who cares? * I don't believe in miracles. I rely on them. * Next mood swing: 6 minutes. * I hate everybody, and you're next. * Please don't make me kill you. * And your point is... * I used to be schizophrenic, but we're OK now. * I'm busy. You're ugly. Have a nice day. * Warning: I have an attitude and I know how to use it. * Remember my name - you'll be screaming it later. * You KNOW you want me. * Don't worry. It'll only seem kinky the first time. * Of course I don't look busy. . I did it right the first time. * Why do people with closed minds always open their mouths? * I'm multitalented: I can talk and annoy you at the same time. * Do NOT start with me. You won't win. * You have the right to remain silent, so please SHUT UP. * All stressed out and no one to choke. * I'm one of those bad things that happen to good people. * How can I miss you if you won't go away? * Sorry if I looked interested. I'm not. * more...
A boy is watching television and hears the name Jesus Christ and about the good deeds of Jesus Christ and his greatness. Wondering who Jesus Christ is, he asks his mother. She tells him that she is busy and directs him to his father. His father is also busy and so he goes to his elder brother. His brother kicks him out of the room, because he does not have time to answer his stupid questions. Very curious, he goes downtown and sees a bum in an alley.
He asks the bum, "Who is Jesus Christ?" and the bum replies, "Well, I am."
The boy, not believing the bum, asks for proof. So the bum takes the boy into the bar down the street and takes him inside. They walk up to the bar and the bartender exclaims, "Jesus Christ, are you in here again?"
A boss dialled employee's home phone number and was greeted with a child's whispered, "Hello?"Feeling put out at the inconvenience of having to talk to a youngster, the boss asked, "Is your Daddy home?""Yes," whispered the small voice."May I talk with him?" the man asked.To the surprise of the boss, the small voice whispered, "No."Wanting to talk with an adult, the boss asked, "Is your Mommy there?""Yes," came the answer."May I talk with her?"Again the small voice whispered, "No."Knowing that it was not likely that a young child would be left home alone, the boss decided he would just leave a message with the person who should be there watching over the child. "Is there anyone else there in your house?" the boss asked the child."Yes," whispered the child, "a policeman."Wondering what a cop would be doing at his employee's home, the Boss asked, "May I speak with more...
Don't piss me off! I'm running out of places to hide the bodies.
Guys have feelings too. But like... who cares?
I don't believe in miracles. I rely on them.
Next mood swing: 6 minutes.
I hate everybody, and you're next.
Please don't make me kill you.
And your point is...
I used to be schizophrenic, but we're ok now.
I'm busy. You're ugly. Have a nice day.
Warning: I have an attitude and I know how to use it.
Remember my name - you'll be screaming it later.
You know you want me.
Don't worry. It'll only seem kinky the first time.
Of course I don't look busy... I did it right the first time.
Why do people with closed minds always open their mouths?
I'm multi-talented: I can talk and piss you off at the same time.
You, me, whipped cream, handcuffs. Any questions?
Do not start with me. You will not win.
You have the right to remain silent, so please shut up.
All stressed out and no one to choke.
I'm one of more...
A man is struck by a bus on a busy street in in New York City. He lies dying on the sidewalk as a crowd of spectators gathers around."A priest. Somebody get me a priest!" the man gasps. A policemanchecks the crowd----no priest, no minister, no man of God of any kind."A PRIEST, PLEASE!" the dying man says again. Then out of thecrowd steps a little old Jewish man of at least eighty years of age."Mr. Policeman," says the man, "I'm not a priest. I'm not evena Catholic. But for fifty years now I'm living behind St. Elizabeth'sCatholic Church on First Avenue, and every night I'm listeningto the Catholic litany. Maybe I can be of some comfort to this man."The policeman agreed and brought the octogenarian over to wherethe dying man lay. He kneels down, leans over the injured and saysin a solemn voice:"Under the B, 4. Under the I, 19. Under the N, 38. Under the G, 54. Under the O, 72.. . "
One day at a busy airport, the passengers on a commercialairliner are seated, waiting for the cockpit crew to showup so they can get underway. The pilot and copilot finally appear in the rear of the plane, and begin walking up to the cockpit through the center aisle. Both appear to be blind. The pilot is using a white cane, bumping into passengers rightand left as he stumbles down the aisle, and the copilot is usinga guide dog. Both have their eyes covered with hugesunglasses. At first the passengers do not react; thinking that it must besome sort of practical joke. However, after a few minutes theengines start revving and the airplane starts moving down therunway. The passengers look at each other with some uneasiness, whispering among themselves and looking desperately to thestewardesses for reassurance. Then the airplane starts accelerating rapidly and people beginpanicking. Some passengers are praying, and as the plane getscloser and closer to the end of the runway, the voices are more...