Butcher Jokes / Recent Jokes

A lawyer's dog, running about unleashed, bee-lines for a butcher shop and steals a roast. A butcher goes to lawyer's office and asks, "if a dog running unleashed steals a piece of meat from my store, do I have a right to demand payment for the meat from the dog's owner?"

The lawyer answers, "Absolutely."

"Then you owe me $8. 50. Your dog was loose and stole a roast from me today."

The lawyer, without a word, writes the butcher a check for $8. 50. The next day the butcher opens the mail and finds a bill from the lawyer: $100 for legal consultation.

A dog ran into a butcher shop and grabbed a roast off the counter. Fortunately, the butcher recognized the dog as belonging to aneighbour of his. The neighbour happened to be a lawyer. Incensedat the theft, the butcher called up his neighbour and said, "Hey, if your dog stole a roast from my butcher shop, would you be liablefor the cost of the meat?" The lawyer replied, "Of course, how muchwas the roast?" "$7. 98." A few days later the butcher received acheck in the mail for $7. 98. Attached to it was an invoice that read:"Legal Consultation Service: $150."

A lawyer's dog, running about unleashed, bee-lines for a butcher shop and steals a roast. Butcher goes to lawyer's office and asks, "if a dog running unleashed steals a piece of meat from my store, do I have a right to demand payment for the meat from the dog's owner?" The lawyer answers, "Absolutely."

"Then you owe me $8. 50. Your dog was loose and stole a roast from me today."

The lawyer, without a word, writes the butcher a check for $8. 50 [attorneys don't carry cash -- it's too plebeian -- and the butcher hadn't brought the shop's credit card imprinter to the lawyer's office].

Several periods of time later -- it could be the next day but that would be unrealistic -- the butcher opens the mail and finds a bill from the lawyer: $100 for legal consultation.

One day a mom asked her son if he would to the butcher's to get some meat for dinner. So he went to the butcher's and asked for some ham, but they said they were all out, so he asked for some turkey but they were out so he asked for some pork, but there was no pork, so he asked for bologna, but there were out. So for the last time he asked for any meat at all, but no meat at all! He had to bring his mother some meat or she would be disappointed in him, so he got a knife when the butcher was not looking and went into the bathroom and then slice! His right buttcheek was gone! So they had it that night. The next day the mom said, "That was good meat, I want some more." So he grabbed the knife from a kitchen drawer, went to the bathroom and slice! His left buttcheek was gone, and they had it that night for dinner! The next morning his mother asked, "Can you get some more of that meat?" So he grabbed a knife from the kitchen drawer, and went up to the bathroom and more...

Once there was a preacher's wife who went into a bakery and asked the butcher waht the daily special was. He said it was the "damn ham." She immediatly started yelling at the top of her lungs." HOW DARE YOU SPEAK TO ME LIKE THAT I'M THE PREACHER'S WIFE!"The butcher was totally taken back by this while he wimpered, "Oh, no ma'am it's called the' damn ham.'" She bought one of the hams. Later that day when the preacher got home he smelled the ham cooking and asked his wife what it was. She replied that it was the "damn ham." He also immediatly started yelling at the top of his lungs." HOW DARE YOU TALK TO ME LIKE THAT I'M THE PREACHER!"She was also taken back by this and wimpered that it was the "damn ham." At dinner that night they were eating dinner with their kids and they, too, asked what this delicoius meal was. Their father (the preacher) said that it was the "damn ham." Their son was quite happy with this. In more...

It's the day before Thanksgiving, and the butcher is just locking up when a man begins pounding on the front door.
"Please let me in," says the man desperately. "I forgot to buy a turkey, and my wife will kill me if I don't come home with one."
"Okay," says the butcher. "Let me see what I have left." He goes into the freezer and discovers that there's only one scrawny turkey left. He brings it out to show the man.
"That's one is too skinny. What else you got?" says the man.
The butcher takes the bird back into the freezer and waits a few minutes and brings the same turkey back out to the man.
"Oh, no," says the man, "That one doesn't look any better. You better give me both of them!"

jonny was standing on the corner with a bucket half full of chicken shit half full of water. the butcher comes up and says boy what u making, jonny says a butcher.
a preatcher comes up says boy what u making, jonny says a preatcher. the preatcher got mad and went to the cops.
the cop came up and said boy what u making? jonny says chicken shit and water. the cop said "boy u told the butcher u were making a butcher and u told the preatcher that u were making a preatcher. why dident u tell me u were making a cop?
jonny said i havent added the bullshit yet!