Butcher Jokes / Recent Jokes
It was the day before Christmas and the butcher was just locking up his shop when a man began pounding on the door.
"Please let me in," the man pleaded. "I forgot to buy a turkey and my wife is going to kill me if I come home without one."
"Ok," the butcher said, opening the door for the man. "Let me go and see what I have left."
The butcher went into the freezer and discovered that all he had left was one scrawny turkey. He brought it out and showed it to the man.
"Oh, no," the man said, "that one is far too skinny. What else do you have?"
The butcher took the bird back into the freezer, waited a few minutes, and then brought the same turkey back out. This time, he turned it around and showed the man the largest end.
"Darn, that one doesn't look any better than the first," said the man. "You'd better give me both of them."
A butcher is leaning on the counter toward the close of day when a dog with a basket in its jaws comes pushing through the door.
"An` wot`s this then?" he asked. The dog knocks the basket sharply into the butcher`s shins.
"You dumb dog." As he reaches down to smack the dog, he notices a note and a ten dollar bill in the basket.
The scribble on the note asks for three pounds of his best mince [ground beef]. The butcher figures this is too easy. He goes to the window and reaches for the dried up stuff that`s been sitting out all day.
The dog growls at him. The butcher turns around and, glaring at the pup, gets the best mince from the fridge. Weighing out about 2 1/2 pounds, he drops in on the scale with his thumb.
"Hmmmmm, a bit shy. Who`ll know?"
Again, the dog growls menacingly. "Alright, alright," as he throws on a generous half pound. He wraps it out, drops it in the basket, and drops in change from a five. The more...
this lady went to this delly to buy a ham and she asked the butcher how much that ham was and he said oh that damn ham and the lady said oh my gosh i cant believe you just said that to me you know my husbands the preist and he said oh no thats the name of the company damn ham so she said okay then ill take that damn ham then her husband came home and he was like something smells bewitches and he asked what is it and she said oh its that damn ham i got at the butcher shop and he said oh my gosh i cant believe you said that to me you know im the preist and she said oh no thats the name of the company damn ham and he said oh so it became dinner time and there 15 year old son comes in and sits down and the dad says grace and askes their son hey would you pass me that damn ham please and then the son says aw cool pops pass me the fucking potatoes
A lawyer's dog, running about unleashed, beelines for a butcher shop and steals a roast. Butcher goes to lawyer's office and asks, "if a dog running unleashed steals a piece of meat from my store, do I have a right to demand payment for the meat from the dog's owner?"
The lawyer answers, "Absolutely."
"Then you owe me $8.50. Your dog was loose and stole a roast from me today."
The lawyer, without a word, writes the butcher a check for $8.50 Several days later the butcher opens the mail and finds a bill from the lawyer: $20 due for a consultation
A lawyer's dog, running about unleashed, b-lines for the local butcher shop and steals a roast off the counter. The butcher goes to the lawyer's office and asks, "if a dog, running unleashed, steals a piece of meat from my store, do I have a right to demand payment for the meat from the dog's owner?" "Absolutely," the lawyer responded. The butcher immediately shot back, "Good! You owe me $7.99 for the roast your dog stole from me this morning." The lawyer, without a word, writes the butcher a check for $7.99. A few days later, the butcher, browsing through his mail, finds an envelope from the lawyer. The contents reads "Consultation: $25.00."
A lawyer's dog, running about unleashed, b-lines for the local butcher shop and steals a roast off the counter. The butcher goes to the lawyer's office and asks, "if a dog, running unleashed, steals a piece of meat from my store, do I have a right to demand payment for the meat from the dog's owner?"
"Absolutely," the lawyer responded. The butcher immediately shot back, "Good! You owe me $7.99 for the roast your dog stole from me this morning."
The lawyer, without a word, writes the butcher a check for $7.99. A few days later, the butcher, browsing through his mail, finds an envelope from the lawyer.
The contents read "Consultation: $25.00."
A lawyer's dog, running about unleashed, b-lines for the local butcher shop and steals a roast off the counter. The butcher goes to the lawyer's office and asks, ''if a dog, running unleashed, steals a piece of meat from my store, do I have a right to demand payment for the meat from the dog's owner?''
''Absolutely,'' the lawyer responded.
The butcher immediately shot back, ''Good! You owe me $7.99 for the roast your dog stole from me this morning.''
The lawyer, without a word, writes the butcher a check for $7.99. A few days later, the butcher, browsing through his mail, finds an envelope from the lawyer.
The contents read ''Consultation: $25.00.''