Butter Jokes / Recent Jokes

Knock KnockWhos there! Butter! Butter who? Butter wrap up - its cold out here!

If you drop a buttered piece of bread, it will fall on the floor butter-side down. If a cat is dropped from a window or other high and towering place, it will land on its feet. But what if you attach a buttered piece of bread, butter-side up to a cat's back and toss them both out the window? Will the cat land on its feet? Or will the butter splat on the ground?

Even if you are too lazy to do the experiment yourself, you should be able to deduce the obvious result. The laws of butterology demand that the butter must hit the ground, and the equally strict laws of feline aerodynamnics demand that the cat cannot smash its furry back. If the combined construct were to land, nature would have no way to resolve this paradox. Therefore it simply does not fall.

That's right, you clever mortal, you have discovered the secret of anti-gravity!! A buttered cat, will, when released, quickly move to a height where the forces of cat-twisting and butter-repulsion are in more...

If peanut butter cookies are made from peanut butter, then what are Girl
Scout cookies made out of?

Q: How many elephants can you fit in a VW?
A: Four. Two in front, two in back.
Q: How can you tell if you have an elephant in your fridge?
A: All the Jell-o is gone
Q: How can you tell if you have two elephants in your fridge?
A: All the Jell-o is gone, and there's tracks in the butter
Q: How can you tell if you have three elephants in your fridge?
A: All the Jell-o is gone, there's tracks in the butter, and the roast is half eaten.
Q: How can you tell if there are four elephants in your fridge?
A: There's a VW parked out front.

A wife was making a breakfast of fried eggs for her husband. Suddenly her husband burst into the kitchen. "Careful... CAREFUL! Put in some more butter! Oh my Gosh! You're cooking too many at once. TOO MANY!!
Turn them! TURN THEM NOW! We need more butter. Oh my Gosh! WHERE are we going to get MORE BUTTER?! They're going to STICK! Careful... CAREFUL! I said be CAREFUL! You NEVER listen to me when you're cooking! Never! Turn them! HURRY UP! Are you CRAZY? Have you lost your mind?
Don't forget to salt them. You know you always forget to salt them. Use the salt. USE THE SALT! THE SALT!!"
The wife stared at him. "What the &^%$&^% is wrong with you? You think I don't know how to fry a couple of eggs?"
The husband calmly replied, "I just wanted to show you what it feels like when I'm driving".

A wife was making a breakfast of fried eggs for her husband. Suddenly her husband burst into the kitchen."Careful... CAREFUL! Put in some more butter! Oh my GOD! You're cooking too many at once. TOO MANY! Turn them! TURN THEM NOW! We need more butter. Oh my GOD! WHERE are we going to get MORE BUTTER? They're going to STICK! Careful... CAREFUL! I said be CAREFUL! You NEVER listen to me when you're cooking! Never! Turn them! Hurry up! Are you CRAZY? Have you LOST your mind? Don't forget to salt them. You know you always forget to salt them. Use the salt. USE THE SALT! THE SALT!"The wife stared at him. "What the hell is wrong with you? You think I don't know how to fry a couple of eggs?"The husband calmly replied, "I wanted to show you what it feels like when I'm driving with you in the damn car.

101. Q: How do you get a blonde to marry you?
A: Tell her she's pregnant.
102. Q: How do blondes get pregnant?
A: And you thought blondes were dumb.
103. Q: What will she ask you?
A: "Is it mine?"
104. Q: Santa Claus, the Tooth Fairy, a dumb blonde, and a smart blonde are walking down the street when they spot a $10 bill. Who picks it up?
A: The dumb blonde! because, there is no such thing as Santa Claus, the tooth fairy, or a smart blonde.
105. Q: Why did the blonde scale the chain-link fence?
A: To see what was on the other side.
106. Q: What do you do when a blonde throes a hand grenade at you?
A: Pull the pin and throw it back.
107. Q: Why do Blondes take the pill?
A: So they know what day of the week it is.
108. Q: Why did the blonde stop using the pill?
A: Because it kept falling out.
109. Q: But why do brunettes take the pill?
A: Wishful Thinking.
110. Q: Why did the blonde have a sore more...