Butter Jokes / Recent Jokes
Ingredients:
1 cup sugar
4 large eggs
2 cups dried fruit
1 teaspoon of salt
1 cup brown sugar
1 teaspoon lemon juice
1/2 cup nuts
1 cup butter
1 BOTTLE WHISKEY
Procedure:
Sample the whiskey to check for quality. Get out a large bowl. Check the whiskey again--to be sure it is of the highest quality, pour one level cup and drink it.
Turn on the electric mixer and beat one cup of butter in the large bowl. Add one teaspoon of sugar and beat again. Make sure the whiskey is still OK. Cry another tup. Turn off the mixer. Beat two leggs and add to the bowl. Chuck in one cup of fried druit.
Mix on the turner. If fried druit gets stuck in the beatererers, pry it loose with a drewscriver. Sample the whiskey and check for tonsisticity. Next, sift two cups of salt or something??? Who cares? Check the whiskey again. Now sift the lemon juice and strain your nuts. Add one table. Spoon. Sugar or something. more...
A guy's driving down a country road when he comes upon a sign Saying "Apples - $5.00 each." He thinks that that is a lot of money so he decides to go see what's up.
He goes up to the farmer and says, "Hey, how come these apples are 5 bucks each?" The farmer replies, "They are peanut butter and jelly apples." The farmer hands him one and says, "Here, try one." So the man takes a bite out of the apple and says, "Peanut butter - that's great, but I thought you said that they were peanut butter and jelly apples.
" The farmer tells the man to turn it around. The man bites the other side and exclaims "son of a gun - jelly!" The man says, "These apples are great - give me some."
He gets back in his car and drives a little further down the road and then sees another sign "Apples - $10 each." Again, he pulls over, goes to the farmer and says, "Hey, what's up with these apples?"
The more...
Iowa State fair organizers have announced they have made a statue of Michael Jackson entirely in butter. Ironically, much like his face, the butter will eventually melt.
At one time, margarine was illegal. While all cheese making requires a license, Limburger cheese making requires a master cheese maker's license. It is illegal to kiss on a train. It is illegal to wake a fireman when he is asleep.It is illegal to cut a woman's hair. You must manually flush all urinals in a building. Butter substitutes are not allowed to be served in state prisons. Whenever two trains meet at an intersection of said tracks, neither shall proceed until the other has. As people used to smuggle it in from Illinois, all yellow butter substitute is banned. State Law made it illegal to serve apple pie in public restaurants without cheese. La Crosse: It is illegal to tie up your horse along Third Street (Now a major bar strip).La Crosse: It is illegal to display an unclothed mannequin in a store window. La Crosse: It is illegal to play checkers in public. La Crosse: You cannot "worry a squirrel." Milwaukee: An old ordinance forbids parking for over two hours unless more...
A wife was making a breakfast of fried eggs for her husband.
Suddenly, her husband burst into the kitchen.
"Careful," he said, "CAREFUL! Put in some more butter! Oh my GOD! You're cooking too many at once. TOO MANY! Turn them! TURN THEM NOW! We need more butter. Oh my GOD! WHERE are we going to get MORE BUTTER? They're going to STICK! Careful. CAREFUL! I said be CAREFUL! You NEVER listen to me when you're cooking! Never! Turn them! Hurry up! Are you CRAZY? Have you LOST your mind? Don't forget to salt them. You know you always forget to salt them. Use the salt. USE THE SALT! THE SALT!"
The wife stared at him. "What in the world is wrong with you? You think I don't know how to fry a couple of eggs?"
The husband calmly replied, "I just wanted to show you what it feels like when I'm driving."
What do you get when you cross a rooster and peanut butter?
A cock that sticks to the roof of your mouth!
What do you get when you cross a rooster and peanut butter? A cock that sticks to the roof of your mouth!