Cafe Jokes / Recent Jokes

The man in the cafe asked the waiter,
"What is this mouse doing in my alphabet soup?"
The waiter looked for a minute and said,
"Learning to read sir."

Rank Group, PLC announced it will sell the Hard Rock Cafe chain to the Seminole tribe of Florida for E$725 million (US$965 million, BeaverPelt2.7 trillion).

Collectors are already lining up to order the latest T-shirt: Hard Rock Cafe - Little Big Horn

The new owners are expected to add some new menu items while still keeping the chain restaurant feel. New menu items include Cherry-kee Cheesecake, Last of the Mochaccinos and Custard's Last Flan.


The tribe doesn't plan any major changes to the restaurants but has said they will no longer accept walk-in business. You need to have a reservation.

Hold mouse up to ear like a cell phone and yell "I can't hear you!!! You're going to have to speak louder!"Play Pac Man and state to person next to you, "These new games are incredible!"Practice 'spinning mouse mat on index finger' globe trotter routine.Put your monitor's contrast and brightness on full. With wide open eyes yell "It's going to implode!"Tell the cashier you wish to redeem your free 1000 hours and hand him a bag full of collected AOL promo CD's.Typing hard and loudly looking behind you yell, "STOP MAKING ME TYPE THIS - IT WILL ONLY MAKE THINGS WORSE!"Sit at the web terminal... without a chair.Wheel your leather executive chair into Internet cafe and up to the computer with the largest monitor. Sit down, turn to the person next to you handing them a stack of papers, "Get these photocopied right away, the president wants them by end of day."
Casually look around the room for people in chat rooms, log into the same chat more...

Once our Santa ended up getting drunk at this place called the Golden Cafe.
Well, he comes home and tells his wife, Jeeto, 'You wouldn't believe it there! The floor is gold, the ceiling's gold, the chandelier is gold, even the urinals are gold!'
Jeeto can't believe this so she calls the place up and asked to speak with the manager. She said, 'Is it true that your floor is gold?'
The guy says, 'Yes.'
The wife continues down the list. 'Is it true that even your urinals are gold?'
The manager turns around to another guy and says, 'Hey, I think we found the guy who messed up your saxophone last night.'

Once, my parents were driving, and they wanted a cup of tea, so they drove to a cafe. When they ordered, a horse walked in and sat at the table across from them. The horse then ordered a cup of coffe. My parents thought it was a bit strange, so they asked the waitress if this was normal, and the waitress said, "No, he usually orders lemonade."

A state trooper stopped at a little cafe for coffee. As he was getting ready to leave a patron of the cafe yelled out, "Go out and get' em!" he said. "I suppose everyone's going to get a ticket today?"
"I don't really give out many tickets," the cop said. "Oh, come on," the man teased. "You'd give your own mother a ticket."
"No, my mother never drove a car," said the trooper. Then a grin spread over his face. "But I did catch her jaywalking once," he said, "and I issued her a warning. But that's all."

A fat girl went into a cafe and ordered two slices of apple pie with four scoops of ice cream cover with lashings of raspberry sauce and piles of chopped nuts. Would you like a cherry on the top? asked the waitress. No, thanks, said the girl, Im on a diet!