California Jokes / Recent Jokes

Subject: You Deserve a Break TodaySan Francisco (UPI)-In what legal observers are already calling a landmark decision in the case of Jackson v. California, the California Supreme Court has recognized for the first time a constitutional right to chicken done right.The high court held that under the the due process clause and the constitutional prohibition of cruel and unusual punishment, Joseph Jackson, a prisoner at the California Men's Correctional Institue at Camarillo, is entitled to food "of fair average quality," or "comparable to the fare at a modest restaurant or fast-food chain."Mr. Jackson had complained of the poor quality of the prison kitchen's Coq au Vin....

The FBI found a bottle of an antidepressant drug in the Unabomber suspect's cabin. It's a good thing he was taking that stuff... otherwise, he might have done something REALLY crazy...
Monday was tax day all across the USofA. Instead of trying to simplify those complicated forms, why doesn't the IRS just issue decoder rings? Those who lie and cheat the federal government usually know their fate - chances are good they'll end up reelected!
For killing their parents in their Beverly Hills, California mansion, Erik and Lyle Menendez were sentenced to life in prison without possibility of a book deal.
In Riverside, California, shouting broke out at a pro police rally. Whites told Latinos to go back to Mexico - Latinos told whites to go back to England. Well, Governor Pete Wilson PROMISED he'd get California moving again.
In his State of the City address, Mayor Richard Riorden portrayed Los Angeles as a city that has rounded the bend on the road to recovery. Now, is that more...

Tenacious D in The Pick of Destiny debuts today.

What's interesting to note here is a rare reversal of the usual Hollywood modus operandi; Jack Black has made a feature film out of the TV project that made him famous, but only after appearing in movie after movie to the point where I wish the pudgy little goblin would just go away.

David Wells was traded Thursday from the Boston Red Sox to the Padres, who believe the free-spirited lefty will provide the lift they need as they contend for a postseason berth.
Minutes after the trade announcement, several Boston area Dunkin Donuts flew their flags at half-staff to mourn the loss of their all time best customer.



Also mourning the Wells trade...
Every biker bar, rib joint, strip club, and asian fetish whorehouse in New England.

Hollywood pigeons are being put on the pill to prevent pigeon population. That sounds more sensible than what the pigeons here in New York do: Pull out.

Old & New concerns for the baby boomers:

Then: Long hair.
Now: Longing for hair.

Then: Keg
Now: EKG.

Then: Acid rock
Now: Acid reflux.

Then: Moving to California because it's cool.
Now: Moving to California because it's hot.

Then: Watching John Glenn's historic flight with your parents.
Now: Watching John Glenn's historic flight with your kids.

Then: Trying to look like Marlon Brando or Elizabeth Taylor.
Now: Trying not to look like Marlon Brando or Elizabeth Taylor.

Then: Seeds and stems.
Now: Roughage.

Then: Popping pills, smoking joints.
Now: Popping joints.

Then: Our president's struggle with Fidel.
Now: Our president's struggle with fidelity.

Then: Paar.
Now: AARP.

Then: Being caught with Hustler magazine.
Now: Being caught by Hustler magazine.

Then: Killer weed.
Now: Weed more...

In an effort to control the pigeon population in Hollywood, a birth control product called OvoControl P, which interferes with egg development, will be placed in bird food in new rooftop feeders.

Although the pigeons should experience a lot less bloating going forward, veterinarians caution the pill is not effective in preventing avian flu.

As an alternative to the program, the Bush administration urges abstinence until marriage.