Camp Jokes / Recent Jokes
In a far away middle eastern country, a brigade of American soldiers were stationed at a camp, outside of town. A new brigade commander comes over to take up command after the earlier one retires.
He asks the sargeant to take him around the camp, so he can familiarise himself. They go all around the camp and comes to closed shed. The commander inquires what's inside. The sergeant says there is a camel inside.
When the commander asks why the sergeant hesitates a bit and goes in to an explanation with a embarrassed face, "Well sir our men are far away from their wives and girlfriends, so when they don't do it for a long time it can get very frustrating, so we use the camel to.."
The commander bursts out furiously "That's the most disgusting thing I've ever heard, I command you to halt this immediately. We are a fighting unit, not a bunch of wild animals!" he yells and walks away steaming. Time goes by and the commander starts feeling more...
Once upon a time, long, long ago there were two unique lions in the jungles of Africa. Both, it seems, had human-like qualities that allowed them to claim territory, daring the other to cross over the line. Strange as it seems, the boundary between their turf became a well traveled trail through the jungle.
All day, every day, both lions lay in the brush staring across the trail at their compatriot, daring him to cross into their territory.
The local natives knew of this animal feud, but all this was unbeknown to African Jack, a well-known and very publicized guide who did not speak Lionese and was unfamiliar with the territory.
While he was leading a safari through the jungle, the travelers had to walk and cut vines with their machetes, and all this constant hacking brush had them worn to a frazzle. After seeing two or three of his safari drop from exhaustion, African Jack decided to stop on the trail between these two lions and camp for the night.
After setting up more...
A man was sent to war in the middle east. Upon entering the camp he is greeted by his superior who informs him that this is a peaceful camp and if he should ever become horny that the answer to all his problems was located behind the camp wall. When he looked over the wall he saw a huge hairy camel and vowed that he would never become horny here and that he could wait until he got home.
Two weeks passe and he soon became extremely horny so he tolded one of his mates his problem. The other guy said " No problem. Just look over that wall there and there is the answer to all your problems."
The guys face lights up with joy and he ran over to the wall expecting to see something different but it was still the same old camel. He thought no way in hell and went about his business.
A month later he couldn't take it anymore. He asked another guy what to do and he said "Behind the wall is the answer to all your problems." The guy sighed but was so horny he more...
Banta joins the suicide bomber squad, so when he is given a mission to suicide in the enemies camp. His leader supply him a lot of weapons and bombs stacked to his body and mobile for communications.
He lands up in the enemy`s camp, called his boss: Sir, there are 2 enemies soldier, can I suicide now?
Leader: No, not for two, wait till you see more soldiers.
Banta: Sir now there are 25 can I do it now?
Boss: Wait for more.
Banta: Sir, now I am in a midst of 100 soldiers, can I suicide now?
Boss: Yes, go ahead, you will be a martyr, don`t worry about your family, we will look after.
Banta pulls his knife and stabs himself in his chest.
Well, it's getting to be summer camp time, here in the good ol' USA, and one of the legendary requirements is the eternal "letter home." Here's an example provided me by a dear friend, trinette.
Dear Mom and Dad,
Our scoutmaster told us to write to our parents in case you saw the flood on TV and were worried. We are OK. Only one of our tents and two sleeping bags got washed away. Luckily, none of us got drowned because we were all up the mountain looking for Chad when it happened. Oh yes, please call Chad's mother and tell her he is OK. He can't write because of the cast. I got to ride in one of the search and rescue jeeps. It was neat. We never would have found him in the dark if it wasn't for the lightning.
Scoutmaster Walt got mad at Chad for going on a hike alone without telling anyone. Chad said he did tell him, but it was during the fire so he probably didn't hear him. Did you know that if you put gas on a fire, the gas can will blowup? The wet wood didn't more...
On the last day of camp everyone was asked the same question: What is the best part of the camp? One wise guy answered, Going home!
Dawn was breaking over the camp grounds. Tony and Steve were lying in their tent. That was a terrible thunder and lightening storm last night, Tony announced. Steve turned to him and said, Why didnt you wake me up? You know I cant sleep during a storm!