Campaign Jokes / Recent Jokes

This past Election Day, as usual, I didn’t vote. Voting isn’t a system that works. The majority of people are idiots, and in voting, the majority of people are right. Politicians learn early on that they have to lie, make false promises, and hide their real agendas to get the majority of voters, who don’t know what they are talking about, to vote them into office. I don’t really blame them, as that is the position they are put in to succeed. It just makes it impossible to tell who’s corrupt, and who’s trying to help. They all have to lie to some extent. If the good one’s don’t lie, they’ll lose to the bad one’s who do because people are voting based on campaign promises that sound good. If a politician stood there and was realistic with everyone about what they think could be done, he wouldn’t sound very exciting. When have we had a candidate that came anywhere close to delivering what they promised in their campaign? Has that ever happened? Take Obama for more...

The Dairy Association's huge success with the campaign "Got Milk?" prompted them to expand advertising to Mexico. It was soon brought to their attention the Spanish translation read "Are you lactating?"

Coors put its slogan, "Turn It Loose," into Spanish, where it was read as "Suffer From Diarrhea."

Scandinavian vacuum manufacturer Electrolux used the following in an American campaign: "Nothing sucks like an Electrolux."

Clairol introduced the "Mist Stick," a curling iron, into Germany only to find out that "mist" is slang for manure. Not too many people had use for the "Manure Stick."

When Gerber started selling baby food in Africa, they used the same packaging as in the US, with the smiling baby on the label. Later they learned that in Africa, companies routinely put pictures on the labels of what's inside, since many people can't read.

Colgate more...

Please join us in supporting the Republican National Committee`s nomination of George W. Bush and Dick Chenney as candidates for President and Vice President of the United States. From this day forward, all our efforts will be focused on the "Bush and Dick" campaign. Joining our campaign as national spokespersons are Ellen Degeneris who said publicly, "I like Bush," and Elton John who said publicly, "I like Dick." Also supporting the cause is Angelina Jolie who said publicly, "I like both Bush and Dick." If you wish to see a lot of Bush and Dick, please sign up to work for their election. For those of you who prefer Gore, the following bumper stickers are available: "Lick Bush in 2000."

Reporter: Governor Clinton, what damage do you think has been done to your campaign by your wife`s comment the other day about how "Hitler was really a great guy"?

Clinton: (Mixture of sadness and anger, but articulate as always.) Hillary and myself are shocked, outraged, and deeply saddened by this terrible misunderstanding. The media hype is way out of proportion. You guys should know us by now--we would never say anything like that. And though she did say a few things about Germany she certainly didn`t mean anything offensive by her remarks, which I might add have been willfully and shamefully taken out of context and distorted. There is nothing in my life, or Hillary`s life, which can be construed as derogatory toward the German people. We honor them. Some of our best friends are Germans. My own grandmother was one-quarter German. And it certainly isn`t true that Germans are excluded from our country club. In my eleven years as Governor of Arkansas I was more...

The politician was sitting at his campaign headquarters when the phong rang. He listened intently, and after a moment his face brightened. When he hung up, he immediately phoned hfs mother to tell her the good news.
"Ma," he shouted, "the results are in. I won the election!"
"Honestly?"
The politician's smiled faded. "Aw hell, ma, why bring that up at a time like this?"

President Obama recently confirmed that his campaign files were hacked. In a related story, Senator John McCain claims that somebody hacked into his Telegraph.

Former President Bill Clinton says he thinks John Kerry is running an excellent campaign so far.
Mostly because Kerry's been running for six months and he hasn't even sexually harassed one woman yet!