Canadian Jokes / Recent Jokes

Top reasons why it's great to be Canadian

It beats being an American.

Only country to successfully invade the US and burn its capital to the ground.

You can play hockey 12 months a year, outdoors.

Only country to successfully invade the US and burn its capital to the ground

Where else can you travel 1000 miles over fresh water in a canoe?

A political leader can admit to smoking pot and his/her popularity ratings will rise.

Only country to successfully invade the US and burn its capital to the ground.

Kill Grizzly bears with huge shotguns and cover your house in their skins

Own-an-eskimo scheme.

Only country to successfully invade the US and burn its capital to the ground

Prominent Canadian Muslims have condemned the 17 men arrested for conspiring to commit terrorist acts. Sheik Husain Patel called the plot, "A waste of good explosives. Who bombs Canada?"

Four major executives from various countries are playing golf together. On the second tee they hear a phone ring. The Canadian executive reaches into his bag and pulls out a cellular phone. "O. K. buy 100 shares," the Canadian tells the other person on the phone. Then he looks at the others and says, "I'm such an important person, that I have to make sure my employees can reach me at any time. Therefore I carry a cell phone everywhere." On the next tee, they hear the sound of another phone. All of a sudden, the American puts his finger to his mouth and his thumb to his hear and begins talking. When he gets off the line he tells the others, "I'm so important that I had my company install a microphone in my index finger and a speaker in my thumb. That way, I don't have to worry about carrying a cellular telephone." The people are very impressed and move on down the fairway. On the green, they hear another phone ring. The German stands up tall and says, more...

A first grade teacher explains to her class that she is an American. She asks her students to raise their hands if they were American too. Not really knowing why but wanting to be like their teacher, their hands explode into the air like flashy fireworks. There is, however, one exception. A girl named Kristen has not gone along with the crowd. The teacher asks her why she has decided to be different.
"Because I am not an American" Kristen replies.
"Then," asks the teacher, "what are you?"
"I'm a proud Canadian," boasts the little girl.
The teacher is a little perturbed now, her face slightly red. She asks Kristen why she is a Canadian. "Well, my mom and dad are Canadians, so I'm a Canadian too." The teacher is now angry. "That's no reason," she says loudly. "What if your mom was a moron, and your dad was a moron. What would you be then?" A pause, and a smile, "Then," says Kristen, "I'd more...

A Canadian walks into a bar and ordered a beer. The bartender replied, "Sorry, we don`t serve Canadians in this bar."

"But I`m really thirsty," the Canadian replied. "I`ll do anything for a beer!"

"Okay," says the bartender,"if you can do three things, I`ll get you a beer."

"First," says the bartender,"do you see that big guy standing by the door? 6`5", 275 pound ex-NFL linebacker who got thrown out of the league for being too mean and nasty? You gotta knock him out cold and drag him out of the bar. That`s number one."

"Number two. Back in the kitchen we got this Doberman Pinscher. He`s mean, he`s nasty, he`s vicious, he`s hungry, and he`s got a bad tooth. You gotta remove his bad tooth. That`s number two."

"Number three. Upstairs we got a 70-year-old, 300 pound hooker. You gotta screw her until she climaxes three times. That`s number more...

US Ship: - (at night)"Move out of my way"
Canadian ship: -"No. We cant"
US ship: - "Ours is an important big ship with attacking equipments"
Canadian ship: -"We are a light house on a small island. We cannot move"

50° Fahrenheit (10° C) Californians shiver uncontrollably. Canadians plant gardens.
35° Fahrenheit (1.6° C) - Italian Cars won't start. Canadians drive withthe windows down.
32° Fahrenheit (0 ° C) American water freezes. Canadian water gets thicker.
0° Fahrenheit (-17.9° C) New York City landlords finally turn on the heat. Canadians have the last cookout of the season
-60° Fahrenheit (-51° C) Mt. St. Helens freezes. Canadian Girl Guides sell cookies door-to-door.
-100° Fahrenheit (-73° C) Santa Claus abandons the North Pole. Canadianspull down their ear flaps.
-173° Fahrenheit (-114° C) Ethyl alcohol Freezes. Canadians get frustrated when they can't thaw the keg.
-460° Fahrenheit (-273° C) Absolute zero; all atomic motion stops. Canadians start saying "cold, eh?"
-500° Fahrenhei t (-295° C) Hell freezes over. The Toronto Maple Leafs win the Stanley Cup.