Canadian Jokes / Recent Jokes
A Frenchman, an Italian and an Canadian were discussing love-making.
"Last night I made love to my wife three times" boasted the Frenchman.
"She was in sheer ectasy this morning..."
"Ah, last night I made love to my wife six times," the Italian responded, "and this morning she made me a wonderful omelette and told me she could never love another man."
When the Canadian remained silent, the Frenchman smugly asked, "And how many times did you make love to your wife last night?"
"Once." he replied.
"Only once?" the Italian arrogantly snorted. "And what did she say to you this morning?"
"Don't stop."
Two Canadian guys, Mike and Rob were on the roof, laying tile, when a sudden gust of wind came and knocked down their ladder. "I have an idea," said Mike. "Well throw you down, and then you can pick up the ladder." "What, do you think Im stupid? I have an idea. Ill shine my flashlight, and you can climb down on the beam of light." "What, do you think Im stupid? Youll just turn off the flashlight when Im halfway there."
A French guest who was staying in a hotel in Edmonton phoned room service for some pepper. "Black pepper, or white pepper?" asked the concierge."Toilette pepper!"
A Canadian bloke is walking down the street with a case of beer under his arm.His friend Randy stops him and asks, "Hey Dave! Whatcha got that case of beer for?""Well, I got it for my wife, you see?" answers Dave."Wow," exclaims Randy, "Great trade."
An American, a Scot and a Canuk were in a terrible car accident. They were all brought to the same emergency room, but all three of them died before they arrived. Just as they were about to put the toe tag on the American, he stirred and opened his eyes. Astonished, the doctors and nurses present asked him what happened."Well," said the American, "I remember the crash, and then there was a beautiful light, and then the Canadian and the Scot and I were standing at the gates of heaven. St. Peter approached us and said that we were all too young to die, and that for a donation of $100, we could return to the earth."He continued, " So of course, I pulled out my wallet and gave him the $100, and the next thing I knew I was back here.""That's amazing!" said one of the doctors, "But what happened to the other two?""Last I saw them," replied the American, "the Scot was haggling over the price and the Canadian was waiting for the more...
What do urine samples and Canadian beer have in common?The taste.
A truly Canadian Apology to the USA, courtesy of Rick Mercer from This Hour Has 22 Minutes, CBC Television: Hello. I'm Anthony St. George on location here in Washington. On behalf of Canadians everywhere I'd like to offer an apology to the United States of America. We haven't been getting along very well recently and for that, I am truly sorry. I'm sorry we called George Bush a moron. He is a moron, but it wasn't nice of us to point it out. If it's any consolation, the fact that he's a moron shouldn't reflect poorly on the people of America. After all, it's not like you actually elected him. I'm sorry about our softwood lumber. Just because we have more trees than you, doesn't give us the right to sell you lumber that's cheaper and better than your own. It would be like if, well, say you had ten times the television audeince we did and you flood our market with great shows, cheaper than we could produce. I know you'd never do that. I'm sorry we beat you in Olympic hockey. In our more...