Canadian Jokes / Recent Jokes
A truly Canadian Apology to the USA, courtesy of Rick Mercer from This Hour Has 22 Minutes, CBC Television: Hello. I'm Anthony St. George on location here in Washington. On behalf of Canadians everywhere I'd like to offer an apology to the United States of America. We haven't been getting along very well recently and for that, I am truly sorry. I'm sorry we called George Bush a moron. He is a moron, but it wasn't nice of us to point it out. If it's any consolation, the fact that he's a moron shouldn't reflect poorly on the people of America. After all, it's not like you actually elected him. I'm sorry about our softwood lumber. Just because we have more trees than you, doesn't give us the right to sell you lumber that's cheaper and better than your own. It would be like if, well, say you had ten times the television audeince we did and you flood our market with great shows, cheaper than we could produce. I know you'd never do that. I'm sorry we beat you in Olympic hockey. In our more...
A Canadian is on vacation and walks into a bar.
He sits on this HUGE stool and says to the bartender’ man, I heard things are big down here in Texas, but this is ridiculas! ’ and orders a mug of beer.
He gets a pitcher of beer and asks the bartender, ‘man, I heard that things are big down here in Texasm but this is ridiculas! ’ and goes about drinking his beer. He orders another and he gets really pissed drunk.
Well, not too long later, he has to go to the bathroom really, really bad so he asks the bartender, ‘Where is your washroom??? ’ The bartender says, down the hall, second door on the right. ’
So the man climbs off the stool and stumbles down the hall and enters the second door to the left and falls in this huge swimming pool.
The man is struggling to stay afloat and screams ‘DON’T FLUSH IT!!!
An American couple from Montana decided to go to Canada for their holidays one summer. They drove north across the border, stopped at a dinosaur park, then continued northeast. After driving for a couple of days, they realized they were lost. They found a small city, and pulled over to ask a pedestrian for directions. "Hey buddy, can you tell us where we are?"The pedestrian smiled, said "Saskatoon, Saskatchewan," and went on his way. The driver turned to his wife and said "Well, we still don't know where we are. He doesn't even speak English."
A Texan goes to Toronto for a vacation.
There he grabs a cab at the airport and says he's on his way to The Royal York Hotel.
The Cabby heads downtown on his way he passes Queens Park,
"What's that" says the Texan
"Oh! That's Queens Park" says the Cabby, "Its our Provincial Government, its like your State Government" Those buildings are almost 200 years old and they are quite big".
Oh! We have buildings much older than that and at least twice as large" says the Texan.
They continue along and past First Canadian Place.
"Holy cow" says the Texan "What's that"?
"Why that's First Canadian Place, its the biggest office complex in the country" says the Cabby " it took almost 4 years to build".
"Really" says the Texan "Why in Houston they have buildings twice that big, and built in less than 1/2 the time"
They continue on the way, the cabby a little more...
A Texan goes to Toronto for a vacation.There he grabs a cab at the airport and says he's on his way to The Royal York Hotel.The Cabby heads downtown on his way he passes Queens Park,"What's that" says the Texan"Oh! That's Queens Park" says the Cabby, "Its our Provincial Government, its like your State Government" Those buildings are almost 200 years old and they are quite big".Oh! We have buildings much older than that and at least twice as large" says the Texan.They continue along and past First Canadian Place."Holy cow" says the Texan "What's that"?"Why that's First Canadian Place, its the biggest office complex in the country" says the Cabby " it took almost 4 years to build"."Really" says the Texan "Why in Houston they have buildings twice that big, and built in less than 1/2 the time"They continue on the way, the cabby a little miffed at the bragging, when they drive past the CN more...
An American, a Scot and a Canadian were in a terrible car accident. They were all brought to the same emergency room, but all three of them died before they arrived. Just as they were about to put the toe tag on the American, he stirred and opened his eyes. Astonished, the doctors and nurses present asked him what happened. "Well," said the American, "I remember the crash, and then there was a beautiful light, and then the Canadian and the Scot and I were standing at the gates of heaven. St. Peter approached us and said that we were all too young to die, and that for a donation of $50, we could return to the earth. So of course I pulled out my wallet and gave him the $50, and the next thing I knew I was back here.""That's amazing!" said one of the doctors, "But what happened to the other two?""Last I saw them," replied the American, "the Scot was haggling over the price and the Canadian was waiting for the government to pay for more...
An American, a Scot and a Canadian were in a terrible car accident. They were all brought to the same emergency room, but all three of them died before they arrived. Just as they were about to put the toe tag on the American, he stirred and opened his eyes. Astonished, the doctors and nurses present asked him what happened."Well, " said the American, "I remember the crash, and then there was a beautiful light, and then the Canadian and the Scot and I were standing at the gates of heaven. St. Peter approached us and said that we were all too young to die, and that for a donation of $50, we could return to the earth. So of course I pulled out my wallet and gave him the $50, and the next thing I knew I was back here.""That's amazing!" said one of the doctors, "But what happened to the other two?""Last I saw them," replied the American, "the Scot was haggling over the price and the Canadian was waiting for the government to pay for more...