Canadians Jokes / Recent Jokes
Aussies: Dislike being mistaken for Pommies (Brits) when abroad. Canadians: Are rather indignant about being mistaken for Americans when abroad. Americans: Encourage being mistaken for Canadians when abroad. Brits: Can't possibly be mistaken for anyone else when abroad. Aussies: Believe you should look out for your mates. Brits: Believe that you should look out for those people who belong to your club. Americans: Believe that people should look out for & take care of themselves. Canadians: Believe that that's the government's job. Aussies: Are extremely patriotic to their beer. Americans: Are flag-waving, anthem-singing, and obsessively patriotic to the point of blindness. Canadians: Can't agree on the words to their anthem, when they can be bothered to sing them. Brits: Do not sing at all but prefer a large brass band to perform the anthem. Americans: Spend most of their lives glued to the idiot box. Canadians: Don't, but only because they can't get more American channels. Brits: Pay more...
Q: How many Canadians does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Five. One to screw in the bulb and the other four to call out "Get Back!, Get Back!".
Q: How many Canadians does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: None, they get an American to do it since they are so dammed proud they know how to do it.
Q: How many Canadians does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Ten. One to screw in the bulb and the other nine for crowd control.
How Cold Is Cold?
60 Californians put on sweaters (if they can find one)
50 Miami residents turn on the heat
40 You can see your breath, Californians shiver uncontrollably, Minnesotans go swimming
35 Italian cars don't start
32 Water freezes
30 You plan your vacation to Australia
25 Boston water freezes, Californians weep pitiably, Minnesotans eat ice cream, Canadians go swimming
20 Politicians begin to talk about the homeless, New York City water freezes, Miami residents plan vacation further South
15 French cars don't start, Cat insists on sleeping in your bed with you
10 You need jumper cables to get the car going
5 American cars don't start
0 Alaskans put on T-shirts
-10 German cars don't start, Eyes freeze shut when you blink
-15 You can cut your breath and use it to build an igloo, Arkansans stick tongue on metal objects, Miami more...
Canadians are more polite when they are being rude than Americans are when they are being friendly.
50° Fahrenheit (10° C) Californians shiver uncontrollably. Canadians plant gardens.
35° Fahrenheit (1.6° C) - Italian Cars won't start. Canadians drive withthe windows down.
32° Fahrenheit (0 ° C) American water freezes. Canadian water gets thicker.
0° Fahrenheit (-17.9° C) New York City landlords finally turn on the heat. Canadians have the last cookout of the season
-60° Fahrenheit (-51° C) Mt. St. Helens freezes. Canadian Girl Guides sell cookies door-to-door.
-100° Fahrenheit (-73° C) Santa Claus abandons the North Pole. Canadianspull down their ear flaps.
-173° Fahrenheit (-114° C) Ethyl alcohol Freezes. Canadians get frustrated when they can't thaw the keg.
-460° Fahrenheit (-273° C) Absolute zero; all atomic motion stops. Canadians start saying "cold, eh?"
-500° Fahrenhei t (-295° C) Hell freezes over. The Toronto Maple Leafs win the Stanley Cup.