Cancer Jokes / Recent Jokes
A man visits the doctor for a checkup, and after some tests, the doctor comes in with a grave look on his face.
Doctor: Well, I have some bad news and some really bad news.
Man: Well, give me the really bad news first.
Doctor: You have cancer, and only 6 months to live.
Man: And the bad news?
Doctor: You have Alzheimer's disease.
Man: That's great. I was afraid I had cancer!
Boston pitcher Jon Lester announced he is cancer free. Now if the Red Sox can trade Manny Ramirez, the same could be said for their clubhouse.
A man takes his father to the doctor.
At the office, the doctor tells the old man, "I'm sorry, sir, but you have lung cancer. You'll be dead in a year."
On the way home, the old man turns to his grief-stricken son and says, "Quit all that cryin'! I'm not depressed. I've lived 75 great years. How' bout you and me go to my favorite bar and have a couple beers with my friends?"
So while the guys are having their beers, the old man breaks the news to his friends. "Fellas," he says, "I'll be dead in a year' cause I got AIDS."
On the way home, his son asks, "Dad, why did you lie to your friends?"
His dad replies, "'Cause when I die, I don't want them trying to fuck your mother!"
a girl was walking to the beach when a brunnete and her blonde friend said your never gonna get a tan wearing all those clothes, and and the girl said or skin cancer.
the blonde then said oh please we dont even smoke.
According to a study at Cincinnati University, people with dark skin are more likely to die from skin cancer than their light skinned counterparts. Said a researcher, "These findings prove that black does indeed crack."
I keep getting advertisement emails from an alternative doctor, Dr. Blaylock, asking me if I know the number one way to prevent prostate cancer.
Umm....be a girl?
Santa Singh went to his doctor after a long illness. The doctor, after a lengthy examination, sighed and looked Santa Singh in the eye and said, "I've some bad news for you... you have cancer and it can't be cured. I'd give you two weeks to a month."
Santa Singh, shocked and saddened by the news, but of solid character, managed to compose himself and walk from the doctor's office into the waiting room. There he saw his son who had been waiting.
Santa Singh said, "Puttar, we Surds celebrate when things are good and celebrate when things don't go so well. In this case, things aren't so well. I have cancer and I've been given a short time to live. Let's head for the pub and have a few pints."
After three or four pints, two were feeling a little less somber. There were some laughs and more beers. They were eventually approached by some of Santa Singh's old friends who asked what the two were celebrating.
Santa Singh told them that the Surds celebrate more...