Candidate Jokes / Recent Jokes

A man lost both his ears in a very serious automobile accident but as a result received a large insurance settlement. After some period of time he realized that he needed an assistant to help him manage his money.
He decided to interview several candidates.
The first candidate was very impressive and answered all the questions satisfactorily. The interviewer then posed one final questions, "Do you notice anything unusual about me?"
"Well, yes," the candidate replied. "You don't have any ears." The interviewer was outraged as he was very sensitive about his lack of ears and dismissed the candidate.
The second candidate was a very attractive woman who also answered all the questions satisfactorily. Again the interviewer posed one final questions, "Do you notice anything unusual about me?"
"Well, yes," the woman replied. "You don't have any ears." The angry interviewer dismissed her immediately.
The third more...

While running for the Senate in New York, the young man's political advisor heard some very upsetting news.
"Listen," he said, "you must go to Albany right away or you're going to lose a lot of votes. They're telling lies about you there."
"I have to go to Buffalo first or I'll lose even more votes," replied the candidate.
"Why? What's happening in Buffalo?" the advisor asked.
"They're telling the truth about me!" replied the candidate.

Job Interview Quotations

Vice Presidents and personnel directors of the one hundred largest corporations were asked to describe their most unusual experience interviewing prospective employees.

A job applicant challenged the interviewer to an arm wrestle.
Interviewee wore a Walkman, explaining that she could listen to the interviewer and the music at the same time.
Candidate fell and broke arm during interview.
Candidate announced she hadn`t had lunch and proceeded to eat a hamburger and french fies in the interviewers office.
Candidate explained that her long-term goals was to replace the interviewer.
Candidate said he never finished high school because he was kidnapped and kept in a closet in Mexico.
Balding Candidate excused himself and returned to the office a few minutes later wearing a headpiece.
Applicant said if he was hired he would demonstrate his loyalty by having the corporate logo tattooed on his more...

The following is supposedly a true story. To be included, besides being true, the story is most likely strange, weird, surprising, or funny.Fargo, North Dakota:A candidate for sheriff has challenged his opponents to a shootout, calling it a test of a law officer's ability to protect the public."Clearly, being the best shot doesn't necessarily make you the best sheriff, but I think it proves a point," Ken Schwab said Tuesday.Schwab wants the four other candidates to meet him June 1 at a shooting range. Each will fire 24 rounds at targets to determine the best shot, Schwab said.The challenge could be a problem for one candidate - a well-known local tax protester and convicted felon who's not allowed to possess a firearm.

Loretta Nall is making quite a splash as the write in candidate for Alabama governor's race. What started a s a big joke has gotten her a spot in the lime light. Just another point showing sex sells and men aren't picky.

Her campaign is offering T-shirts and marijuana stash boxes adorned with a photo of her with a plunging neckline and the words: "More of these boobs." Below that are pictures of other candidates for governor -- including Republican incumbent Bob Riley and Democratic Lt. Gov. Lucy Baxley -- and the words: "And less of these boobs."

Maybe she will get elected and set the women of Alabama back another 50 years.

The following is supposedly a true story. To be included, besides being true, the story is most likely strange, weird, surprising, or funny. Fargo, North Dakota: A candidate for sheriff has challenged his opponents to a shootout, calling it a test of a law officer's ability to protect the public."Clearly, being the best shot doesn't necessarily make you the best sheriff, but I think it proves a point," Ken Schwab said Tuesday. Schwab wants the four other candidates to meet him June 1 at a shooting range. Each will fire 24 rounds at targets to determine the best shot, Schwab said. The challenge could be a problem for one candidate -- a well-known local tax protester and convicted felon who's not allowed to possess a firearm.

Here are a few suggested phrases:
For the chronically absent:
"A man like him is hard to find."
"It seemed her career was just taking off."
For the office drunk:
"I feel his real talent is wasted here."
"We generally found him loaded with work to do."
"Every hour with him was a happy hour."
For an employee with no ambition:
"He could not care less about the number of hours he had to put in."
"You would indeed be fortunate to get this person to work for you."
"He consistently achieves the low standards he sets for himself."
For an employee who is so unproductive that the job is better left_inner unfilled:
"I can assure you that no person would be better for the job."
For an employee who is not worth further consideration as a job candidate:
"I would urge you to waste no time in making this candidate an offer more...