Candidate Jokes / Recent Jokes

There was this man who was in a horrible accident, and was injured. But the only permanent damage he suffered was the amputation of both of his ears. As a result of this "unusual" handicap, he was very self-conscious about his having no ears.
Because of the accident, he received a large sum of money from the insurance company. It was always his dream to own his own business, so he decided with all this money he had, he now had the means to own a business. So he went out and purchased a small, but expanding computer firm. But he realized that he had no business knowledge at all, so he decided that he would have to hire someone to run the business.
He picked out three top candidates, and interviewed each of them.
The first interview went really well. He really liked this guy. His last question for this first candidate was "Do you notice anything unusual about me?" The guy said, "Now that you mention it, you have no ears." The man got really more...

Top 10 Signs Your Presidential Candidate is Under-Qualified10. Promises to improve foreign relations with Hawaii.9. Runs a series of attack ads against Martin Sheen's character on "The West Wing".8. His #1 choice to work on his cabinet is "That Bob Vila guy".7. Outstanding record as Governor of Rhode Island nullified by the fact that no one really cares.6. Got his degree in Political Economics by bribing Sally Struthers with a chocolate donut.5. Anybody mentions Washington, he asks, "The state or the DC thingie?"4. At the debates, answers every question with a snarled, "You wanna wrestle?"3. Vows to put an end to the war in Pokemon and free the Pikachu refugees once and for all.2. Says the Pledge of Allegiance as quickly as possible, then shouts, "I win!" 1. On the very first question of the debate, he attempts to use a lifeline.

Job Interview Quotations Vice Presidents and personnel directors of the one hundred largest corporations were asked to describe their most unusual experience interviewing prospective employees. A job applicant challenged the interviewer to an arm wrestle. Interviewee wore a Walkman, explaining that she could listen to the interviewer and the music at the same time. Candidate fell and broke arm during interview. Candidate announced she hadn't had lunch and proceeded to eat a hamburger and french fies in the interviewers office. Candidate explained that her long-term goals was to replace the interviewer. Candidate said he never finished high school because he was kidnapped and kept in a closet in Mexico. Balding Candidate excused himself and returned to the office a few minutes later wearing a headpiece. Applicant said if he was hired he would demonstrate his loyalty by having the corporate logo tattooed on his forearm. Applicant interrupted interview to phone her therapist for advice more...

Thanks to Victor for this joke, laughed so hard I fell over...
Since I couldn? t find a good drinking game for the upcoming Presidential debates online, I decided to write one myself.

There are three parts to this game. The first section applies to either candidate, and the next two are specific to John Kerry or George W. Bush.

Part A? Either Candidate
Have a small drink or a gulp of beer if either candidate says?..
a. Iran
b. Iraq
c. North Korea
d. Afghanistan
e. Sudan
f. Libya
g. Axis of Evil
h. Gay Marriage
i. United Nations
j. Tax Cuts

Have a larger drink, or shot of booze if either candidate says??
a. Saddam Hussein
b. Osama Bin Ladden
c. Al Qaeda
d. September 11th or 9/11 or World Trade Center
e. WMD / Weapons of Mass Destruction
f. Homeland Security
g. Nuclear Proliferation
h. If either candidate doesn? t answer the question given to more...

A man was interviewing for a sales representative. One candidate wouldhave been ideal for the position except that he had a disconcertingmannerism. He kept winking." Look here, I'd like to give you the job, you've got good referencesand experience. The trouble is this trick you've got of winking all thetime, it might put our customers off." "No worries." the candidate replied. "All I've got to do to get rid ofit is to take a couple of aspirins." So saying he began emptying his pockets. The employer was startled tosee dozens of condoms, multi coloured ones, ribbed ones, heavy dutyvarieties and every known brand of standard condom." Here we are." said the rep. He swallowed two aspirins and his winkingstopped at once." Thats all very well but we couldn't hire a man who was going to bewomanising all over his territory." "Oh I wouldn't dream of it, I'm happily married." "Then how do you account for all of these things?" more...

A man with no ears is trying to find a new reporter for their news show.

The first candidate walks in, and the boss says, "This job requires you to notice a lot of details. What is one thing you notice about me?"

The guy says, "Well damn! You got no ears man!"

So the boss yells, "Get out!"

The second candidate comes in, and the boss says, "This job requires you to notice a lot of details. What is something you notice about me?"

The guy says, "That''s easy, you got no ears!"

So the boss says, "Get out!"

As the second candidate leaves he sees the third candidate about to go in and says, "The boss has no ears so don''t say anything about them, cause he is really sensitive about it."

So the third candidate goes in and the boss says, "This job requires you to notice a lot of details. What do you notice about more...

A survey of top personnel executives of 100 major American corporations asking for stories of unusual behavior by job applicants revealed the following low-lights:
1. ''... stretched out on the floor to fill out the job application.''
2. ''She wore a Walkman and said she could listen to me and the music at the same time.''
3. ''A balding candidate abruptly excused himself. Returned to office a few minutes later, wearing a hairpiece.''
4. ''... asked to see interviewer's resume to see if the personnel executive was qualified to judge the candidate.''
5. ''... announced she hadn't had lunch and proceeded to eat a hamburger and french fries in the interviewer's office - wiping the ketchup on her sleeve''
6. ''Stated that, if he were hired, he would demonstrate his loyalty by having the corporate logo tattooed on his forearm.''
7. ''Interrupted to phone his therapist for advice on answering specific interview questions.''
8. ''When I asked him about his more...