Care Jokes / Recent Jokes
You are under arrest and....
1. No, I don't care who you are.
2. No, I don't care who you know.
3. Yes... you DO pay my salary.
4. Yes... you CAN have my job.
5. No, I don't have anything better to do.
6. Yes, I DO arrest real criminals sometimes.
7. No, I am not picking on you because you are __________ (fill in any ethnic group/race).
8. No, I can't give you a break.
9. No, I don't know your friend, Officer __________.
10. Yes, you will be allowed to make a phone call.
11. Yes, I'm sure you will never do it again.
12. No, we can't talk about it.
13. Yes, it DOES make me happy.
14. Yes, you WILL see me in court.
Thank you, have a nice day.
Your Arresting Officer __________
There was a boy riding on his bike outside a church.
The priest saw him and told him to come into the church and the boy said,"...But they'll steal my bike."
The priest explained how the Holy Spirit would take care of it, so they went inside.
The priest showed the boy how to make the sign of the cross and told the boy to repeat it..."In the name of the Father, The Son...Amen"
The priest said,"What about the Holy Spirit?"
The boy replied, "Its outside taking care of my bike!"
100 Reasons Why It's Great To Be A Guy
Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.
Movie nudity is virtually always female.
You know stuff about tanks.
A 5 day vacation requires only one suitcase.
Monday Night Football.
You don't have to monitor your friends' sex lives.
Your bathroom lines are 80% shorter.
You can open all your own jars.
Old friends don't give a crap whether you've lost or gained weight.
Dry cleaners and haircutters don't rob you blind.
When clicking through the channels, you don't have to stall at every shot of somebody crying.
Your butt is never a factor in job interviews.
All your orgasms are real.
A beer gut doesn't make you invisible to the opposite sex.
Guy in hockey masks don't attack you (unless you smash 'em into the boards).
You don't have to lug a bag of useful stuff around everywhere you go.
You understand why Stripes is funny.
You can go to the bathroom without a support more...
There was a boy riding on his bike outside a church.The priest saw him and told him to come into the church and the boy said,"...But they'll steal my bike."The priest explained how the Holy Spirit would take care of it, so they went inside.The priest showed the boy how to make the sign of the cross and told the boy to repeat it..."In the name of the Father, The Son...Amen"The priest said,"What about the Holy Spirit?"The boy replied, "Its outside taking care of my bike!"
The bank manager was in the final stages of hiring a cashier and was down to two final applicants -- one of which would get the job.
The first one interviewed was from a small college in upstate New York. A nice young man, but a bit timid.
Then he called for the second man, "Jim Johnson!" Up stepped a burley young man who seemed quite sure of himself. "He looks like he can take care of any situation," thought the manager, and decided, there and then, to hire him.
He turned to the first applicant and told him he could go and they would let him know.
Turning to Johnson, he said, "Now Jim, I like the way you carry yourself -- that's an important asset for the job as cashier. However, you must be precise. I noticed you did not fill out the place on the application where we asked your formal education."
Jim looked a little confused so the manager said, "Where did you get your financial more...
1. Mountain bikes don't screw around.
2. Mountain bikes don't care if it's that time of the month.
3. Mountain bikes don't have parents.
4. Mountain bikes don't whine unless something is really wrong.
5. Mountain bikes don't care about professional sports.
6. You can share your mountain bike with your friends.
7. Mountain bikes don't care how many other mountain bikes you've ridden.
8. When riding, you and your mountain bike can arrive at the same
time.
9. Mountain bikes don't care if other mountain bikes look at
you.
10. Mountain bikes don't care if you look at other mountain
bikes.
11. If your mountain bike goes flat you can fix it.
12. If your mountain bike is too short you can heighten it.
13. If your mountain bike is misaligned, you don't have
to discuss politics with it.
14. You can have a black & white mountain bike and bring it home
to your parents.
15. You don't have to be jealous of other women who more...
1. Mountain bikes don't screw around.
2. Mountain bikes don't care if it's that time of the month.
3. Mountain bikes don't have parents.
4. Mountain bikes don't whine unless something is really wrong.
5. Mountain bikes don't care about professional sports.
6. You can share your mountain bike with your friends.
7. Mountain bikes don't care how many other mountain bikes you've ridden.
8. When riding, you and your mountain bike can arrive at the same time.
9. Mountain bikes don't care if other mountain bikes look at you.
10. Mountain bikes don't care if you look at other mountain bikes.
11. If your mountain bike goes flat you can fix it.
12. If your mountain bike is too short you can heighten it.
13. If your mountain bike is misaligned, you don't have to discuss politics with it.
14. You can have a black & white mountain bike and bring it home to your parents.
15. You don't have to be jealous of other women who covet your mountain more...