"100 Reasons Why Its Great To Be A Guy" joke

100 Reasons Why It's Great To Be A Guy
Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.
Movie nudity is virtually always female.
You know stuff about tanks.
A 5 day vacation requires only one suitcase.
Monday Night Football.
You don't have to monitor your friends' sex lives.
Your bathroom lines are 80% shorter.
You can open all your own jars.
Old friends don't give a crap whether you've lost or gained weight.
Dry cleaners and haircutters don't rob you blind.
When clicking through the channels, you don't have to stall at every shot of somebody crying.
Your butt is never a factor in job interviews.
All your orgasms are real.
A beer gut doesn't make you invisible to the opposite sex.
Guy in hockey masks don't attack you (unless you smash 'em into the boards).
You don't have to lug a bag of useful stuff around everywhere you go.
You understand why Stripes is funny.
You can go to the bathroom without a support group.
Your last name stays put.
You can leave the hotel bed unmade.
When your work is criticized, you don't have to panic that everyone secretly hates you.
You can kill your own food.
The garage is all yours.
You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.
You see the humor in Terms of Endearment.
Nobody secretly wonders whether you swallow.
You never have to clean a toilet.
You can be showered and ready to go in 10 minutes. YUP!!!
Sex means never worrying about your reputation.
Wedding plans take care of themselves.
If someone forgets to invite you to something, he or she can still be your friend.
Your underwear is $10 for a three-pack.
The National College Cheerleading Championship.
You don't have to shave below your neck.
None of your co-workers has the power to make you cry.
You don't have to curl up next to a hairy butt every night.
If you're 34 and single, nobody even notices.
You can write your name in the snow.
You can get into a nontrivial pissing contest.
Everything on your face gets to stay its original color.
Chocolate is just another snack.
You can be president. (In this lifetime.)
You can quietly enjoy a car ride from the passenger's seat.
Flowers fix everything.
You never have to worry about other people's feelings.
You get to think about sex 90% of your waking hours.
You can wear a white shirt to a water park.
Three pairs of shoes is more than enough.
You can eat a banana in a hardware store.
You can say anything ("Wow, do my balls hurt!") and not worry about what people will think.
Foreplay is optional.
Michael Bolton doesn't live in your universe.
Nobody stops telling a good dirty joke when you walk into a room.
You can whip your shirt off on a hot day.
You don't have to clean your apartment if the meter reader's coming by.
You never feel compelled to stop a pal from getting laid.
Car mechanics tell you the truth.
You don't give a rat's butt if anyone notices your new haircut.
You can quietly watch a game with you buddy for hours without ever thinking He must be mad at me.
The world is your urinal.
You never misconstrue innocuous statements to mean your lover's about to leave you.
You get to jump up and slap stuff.
Hot wax never comes near your pubic area.
One mood, all the time
You can admire Clint Eastwood without starving yourself to look like him.
You never have to drive on to another gas station because this one's just too skeevy.
You know at least 20 ways to open a beer bottle.
You can sit with you knees apart no matter what you're wearing.
Same work...more pay!
Gray hair and wrinkles only add character.
You don't have to leave the room to make an emergency crotch adjustment.
Wedding dress: $2,000; tuxedo rental: $75.
You don't care if someone's talking about you behind you back.
With 400 million sperm per shot, you could double the Earth's population in 15 tries, at least in theory.
You don't mooch off others' desserts.
If you retain w