Career Jokes / Recent Jokes

Top 10 Rejection Lines Given By Women
(and what they actually mean)
(Thanks to Oneill for sending it to me)
10. I think of you as a brother.
(You remind me of that inbred banjo-playing geek in "Deliverance.")
9. There's a slight difference in our ages.
(I don't want to do my dad.)
8. I'm not attracted to you in' that' way.
(You are the ugliest dork I've ever laid eyes on.)
7. My life is too complicated right now.
(I don't want you spending the whole night or else you may hear phone
calls from all the other guys I'm seeing.)
6. I've got a boyfriend.
(I prefer my male cat and a half gallon of Ben and Jerry's.)
5. I don't date men where I work.
(I wouldn't date you if you were in the same' solar system', much less the
same building.)
4. It's not you, it's me.
(It's you.)
3. I'm concentrating on my career.
(Even something as boring and unfulfilling as my job is better than more...

A career military man, who had retired as a Corporal, was explaining to the younger men how he handled officers during his years of service.
"It didn't matter to me whether he was a Major General, an Admiral, or the Commander-In-Chief. I always told those guys exactly where to get off," he stated.
"Wow, you really must have been something," the admiring young soldiers commented. "What was your job in the service, Sir?"
"I was the elevator operator at the Pentagon," the retired Corporal proudly replied.

How do some men avoid making a wrong career move?
They never get a job!

BLAMESTORMING - Sitting around in a group discussing why a deadline was missed or a project failed and who was responsible.
PRAIRIE DOGGING - When someone yells or drops something loudly in a "cube farm" (an office full of cubicles) and everyone's heads pop up over the walls to see what's going on.
TOURISTS - People who take training classes just to get a vacation from their jobs. "We had three serious students in the class; the rest were just tourists."
TREEWARE - Printed computer software/hardware documentation.
CLM (Career Limiting Move) - Used among microserfs to describe ill-advised activity. Trashing your boss while he or she is within earshot is a serious CLM. (Also known as CEB - Career Ending Behavior)
OHNOSECOND - That minuscule fraction of time in which you realize that you've just made a BIG mistake. (See CLM)
ADMINISPHERE - The rarefied organizational layers beginning just above the rank and file. Decisions that fall from the more...

How do some men avoid making a wrong career move? They never get a job!

BLAMESTORMING - Sitting around in a group discussing why a deadline was missed or a project failed and who was responsible.PRAIRIE DOGGING - When someone yells or drops something loudly in a "cube farm" (an office full of cubicles) and everyone's heads pop up over the walls to see what's going on.TOURISTS - People who take training classes just to get a vacation from their jobs. "We had three serious students in the class; the rest were just tourists."TREEWARE - Printed computer software/hardware documentation.CLM (Career Limiting Move) - Used among microserfs to describe ill-advised activity. Trashing your boss while he or she is within earshot is a serious CLM. (Also known as CEB - Career Ending Behavior)OHNOSECOND - That minuscule fraction of time in which you realize that you've just made a BIG mistake. (See CLM)ADMINISPHERE - The rarefied organizational layers beginning just above the rank and file. Decisions that fall from the admini-sphere are often more...

Dear Santa,
I understand that one of my colleagues has petitioned you for changes in her contract, specifically asking for anatomical and career changes.
In addition, it is my understanding that disparaging remarks were made about me, my ability to please, and some of my fashion choices. I would like to take this opportunity to inform you of some issues concerning Ms. Barbie, and some of my own needs and desires.
First of all, I along with several other colleagues feel Barbie DOES NOT deserve preferential treatmen; the bitch has EVERYTHING! I, along with Joe, Jem, Raggedy Ann & Andy, DO NOT have a dream house, Corvette, evening gowns, and in some cases, the ability to change our hairstyle. I personally have 3 outfits which I am forced to mix and match at great length. My decision to accessorize my outfits with an earring was my decision and reflects my lifestyle choice.
I, too, would like a change in my career. Have you considered "Decorator Ken", more...