Career Jokes / Recent Jokes
TOP TEN REJECTION LINES GIVEN BY WOMEN (and what they actually mean):
10. I think of you as a brother.
(You remind me of that inbred banjo geek in "Deliverance.")
9. There's a slight difference in our ages
(I don't want to do my DAD.)
8. I'm not attracted to you in 'that' way.
(You ugly dork.)
7. My life is too complicated right now.
(I don't want you spending the night or else you may hear phone calls from all the other guys I'm seeing.)
6. I've got a boyfriend.
(I prefer my male cat and 1/2 gallon Ben & Jerry's ice cream.)
5. I don't date men where I work.
(I wouldn't date you if you're in the same *solar system*, much less the same building.)
4. It's not you, it's me.
(It's you.)
3. I'm concentrating on my career.
(Even something as boring and unfulfilling as my job is better than dating you.)
2. I'm celibate.
(I've sworn off the likes of you or I'd rather be gang raped by midgets or I'd rather drink more...
Top 10 Rejection Lines Given By Women (and what they actually mean...)10. I think of you as a brother. (You remind me of that inbred banjo-playing geek in "Deliverance." )9. There's a slight difference in our ages. (You are one jurassic geezer.)8. I'm not attracted to you in' that' way. (You are the ugliest dork I've ever laid eyes upon.) 7. My life is too complicated right now. (I don't want you spending the whole night or else you may hear phone calls from all the other guys I'm seeing.)6. I've got a boyfriend (who's really my male cat and a half gallon of Ben and Jerry's). 5. I don't date men where I work. (Hey, bud, I wouldn't even date you if you were in the same' solar system', much less the same building.)4. It's not you, it's me. (It's not me, it's you.) 3. I'm concentrating on my career. (Even something as boring and unfulfilling as my job is better than dating you.) 2. I'm celibate. (I've sworn off only the men like you.). .. and the number 1 rejection line given more...
Does the career advice, "Come early on your first day" apply in the porn business?
BLAMESTORMING - Sitting around in a group discussing why a deadline was missed or a project failed and who was responsible. PRAIRIE DOGGING - When someone yells or drops something loudly in a "cube farm" (an office full of cubicles) and everyone's heads pop up over the walls to see what's going on. TOURISTS - People who take training classes just to get a vacation from their jobs. "We had three serious students in the class; the rest were just tourists." TREEWARE - Printed computer software/hardware documentation. CLM (Career Limiting Move) - Used among microserfs to describe ill-advised activity. Trashing your boss while he or she is within earshot is a serious CLM. (Also known as CEB - Career Ending Behavior)OHNOSECOND - That minuscule fraction of time in which you realize that you've just made a BIG mistake. (See CLM)ADMINISPHERE - The rarefied organizational layers beginning just above the rank and file. Decisions that fall from the admini-sphere are often more...
I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted paychecks.
The following were answers provided by 6th graders during a history test. Watch the spelling! Some of the best humor is in the misspelling.
Ancient Egypt was inhabited by mummies and they all wrote in hydraulics. They lived in the Sarah Dessert. The climate of the Sarah is such that all the inhabitants have to live elsewhere.
Moses led the Hebrew slaves to the Red Sea where they made unleavened read, which is bread made without any ingredients. Moses went up on Mount Cyanide to get the ten commandments. He died before he ever reached Canada.
Solomon had three hundred wives and seven hundred porcupines.
The Greeks were a highly sculptured people, and without them we wouldn't have history. The Greeks also had myths. A myth is a female moth.
Socrates was a famous Greek teacher who went around giving people advice. They killed him. Socrates died from an overdose of wedlock. After his death, his career suffered a dramatic decline.
In the Olympic games, Greeks ran more...
Some lessons learned in life: Never under any circumstances take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night. If you have to identify, in one word, the reason why the human race has not achieved, and never will achieve, its full potential, that word would be "meetings". There is a very fine line between "hobby" and "mental illness". People who want to share their religious veiws with you almost never want you to share yours with them. And when God, who created the entire universe with all of its glories, decides to deliver a message to humanity, He WILL NOT use, as His messenger, a person on cable TV with a bad hairstyle. You should not confuse your career with your life, because if you have a career that probably means you have no life. No matter what happens... somebody will find a way to take it too seriously. Never lick a steak knife. Take out the fortune before you eat the cookie." The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of more...