Career Jokes / Recent Jokes
...golfer and professional drinker john daly is embarking on a new career after his golf career tanked...he has taken up acting and has been offered the title role in the remake of the clint eastwood flick "Every Which Way But Sober."
HOW TO GET A TAN WITH A BLOWTORCH
HOW TO BE FUNNY by Gilbert Gottfried
MY PLAN TO FIND THE REAL KILLERS by O J Simpson
ZAGAT'S GUIDE TO CITIES WITHOUT A STARBUCKS
THE ENGINEER'S GUIDE TO FASHION
TO ALL THE MEN I'VE LOVED BEFORE by Ellen DeGeneres
THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN REALITY AND DILBERT
FAST & EFFICIENT WINDOWS PROGRAMS
HUMAN RIGHTS ADVANCES IN CHINA
THINGS I WOULD NOT DO FOR MONEY by Dennis Rodman
THE WILD YEARS by Al Gore
BEATING A DRUG ADDICTION by Darryl Strawberry
AMELIA EARHART'S GUIDE TO THE PACIFIC OCEAN
AMERICA'S MOST POPULAR LAWYERS
CAREER OPPORTUNITIES FOR LIBERAL ARTS MAJORS
DETROIT - A TRAVEL GUIDE
DIFFERENT WAYS TO SPELL BOB
DR. KEVORKIAN'S COLLECTION OF MOTIVATIONAL SPEECHES
EASY UNIX
ETHIOPIAN TIPS ON WORLD DOMINANCE
EVERYTHING MEN KNOW ABOUT WOMEN
EVERYTHING WOMEN KNOW ABOUT MEN
FRENCH HOSPITALITY
GEORGE FOREMAN'S BIG BOOK OF BABY NAMES
HOW TO SUSTAIN A MUSICAL CAREER by more...
One of the fringe benefits of being an English or History teacher is receiving the occasional jewel of a student blooper in an essay. I have pasted together the following "history" of the world from certfiably genuine student bloopers collected by teachers throughout the United States, from eighth grade through college level. Read carefully, and you will learn a lot.
The inhabitants of Egypt were called mummies and they all wrote in hydraulics. They lived in the Sarah Dessert and traveled by Camelot. The climate of the Sarah is such that the inhabitants have to live elsewhere, so certain areas of the dessert are cultivated by irritation. The Egyptians built the Pyramids in the shape of a huge triangular cube. The Pyramids are a range of mountains between France and Spain.
The Bible is full of interesting caricatures. In the first book of the Bible, Guinesses, Adam and Eve were created from an apple tree. One of their children, Cain, asked "Am I my more...
Dear Santa,
I understand that one of my colleagues has petitioned you for changes in her contract, specifically asking for anatomical and career changes.
In addition, it is my understanding that disparaging remarks were made about me, my ability to please, and some of my fashion choices. I would like to take this opportunity to inform you of some issues concerning
Ms. Barbie, and some of my own needs and desires.
First of all, I along with several other colleagues feel Barbie DOES NOT deserve preferential treatment-the bitch has EVERYTHING!! I, along with Joe, Jem, Raggedy Ann Andy, DO NOT have a dream house, Corvette, evening gowns, and in some cases, the ability to change our hairstyle. I personally have 3 outfits which I am forced to mix and match at great length. My decision to accessorise my outfits with an earring was my
decision and reflects my lifestyle choice.
I, too, would like a change in my career. Have you considered: ”Decorator more...
Some lessons learned in life:
Never under any circumstances take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.
If you have to identify, in one word, the reason why the human race has not achieved, and never will achieve, its full potential, that word would be "meetings".
There is a very fine line between "hobby" and "mental illness".
People who want to share their religious veiws with you almost never want you to share yours with them.
And when God, who created the entire universe with all of its glories, decides to deliver a message to humanity, He WILL NOT use, as His messenger, a person on cable TV with a bad hairstyle.
You should not confuse your career with your life, because if you have a career that probably means you have no life.
No matter what happens... somebody will find a way to take it too seriously.
Never lick a steak knife.
Take out the fortune before you eat the cookie.
"The one thing that more...
Some lessons learned in life:Never under any circumstances take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.If you have to identify, in one word, the reason why the human race has not achieved, and never will achieve, its full potential, that word would be "meetings".There is a very fine line between "hobby" and "mental illness".People who want to share their religious veiws with you almost never want you to share yours with them.And when God, who created the entire universe with all of its glories, decides to deliver a message to humanity, He WILL NOT use, as His messenger, a person on cable TV with a bad hairstyle.You should not confuse your career with your life, because if you have a career that probably means you have no life.No matter what happens... somebody will find a way to take it too seriously.Never lick a steak knife.Take out the fortune before you eat the cookie."The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age, more...
> I'm sure you guys will find these amusing. ..
>
>
>
> > > >>>> Top 10 Rejection Lines Given By Women
> > > >>>> (and what they actually mean)....
> > > >>>>
> > > >>>>
> > > >>>> 1. I think of you as a brother.
> > > >>>> (You remind me of that inbred banjo-playing
> qo3^> > >>>> geek in "Deliverance.")
> > > Ui: 6>>>>
> > > >>>> 2. There's a slight difference in our ages.
> > > >>>> (You are one jurassic geezer.)
> > > >>>>
> > > >>>> 3. I'm not attracted to you in' that' way.
> > > >>>> (You are the ugliest dork I've ever laid
> > > >>>> eyes upon.)
> > > >>>>
> > > >>>> 4. My life is too complicated right now.
> > > >>>> (I don't want you spending the whole night
> > > >>>> or else you may hear phone calls from all
> > > >>>> the other guys I'm seeing.)
> > > >>>>
> > > >>>> 5. I've got a boyfriend.
> > > >>>> (Who's really my male cat and a half more...