Career Jokes / Recent Jokes

A father is asked by his friend, "Has your son decided what he wants to be when he grows up?"

"Yes, he wants to be a garbage collector," he replies.

To this his friend responds, "Strange ambition to have for a career."

"Well, he thinks that garbage collectors only work on Tuesdays!"

10. I think of you as a brother. Translation: You remind me of that inbred banjo-playing geek in 'Deliverance.'
9. There's a slight difference in our ages. Translation: I don't want to do my dad.
8. I'm not attracted to you in 'that' way. Translation: You are the ugliest dork I've ever laid eyes on.
7. My life is too complicated right now. Translation: I don't want you spending the whole night or else you may hear phone calls from all the other guys I'm seeing.
6. I've got a boyfriend. Translation: I prefer my male cat and a half gallon of Ben and Jerry's.
5. I don't date men where I work. Translation: I wouldn't date you if you were in the same solar system, much less the same building.
4. It's not you, it's me. Translation: It's you.
3. I'm concentrating on my career. Translation: Even something as boring and unfulfilling as my job is better than dating you.
2. I'm celibate. Translation: I've sworn off only the men like you.
1. Let's be friends. more...

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2) A Journey through the Mind of Dennis Rodman
3) Amelia Earhart's Guide to the Pacific Ocean
4) Career Opportunities for History Majors
5) Contraception by Pope John Paul II
6) Detroit - A Travel Guide
7) Different Ways to Spell "Bob"
8) Dr. Kevorkian's Collection of Motivational Speeches
9) Easy UNIX
10) Bulgarian Tips on World Dominance
11) Everything Men Know About Women
12) French Hospitality
13) Bob Dole: The Wild Years
14) How to Sustain a Musical Career by Art Garfunkel
15) Mike Tyson's Guide to Dating Etiquette
17) Spotted Owl Recipes by the EPA
18) Popular Lawyers
19) Staple Your Way to Success
20) The Amish Phone Book

The following excerpts are actual answers given on history tests and in Sunday school quizzes by children between 5th and 6th grade ages in Ohio.

They were collected over a period of three years by two teachers. Read carefully for grammar, misplaced modifiers, and of course, spelling!

Ancient Egypt was old. It was inhabited by gypsies and mummies who all wrote in hydraulics. They lived in the Sarah Dessert. The climate Of the Sarah is such that all the inhabitants have to live elsewhere.

Moses led the Hebrew slaves to the Red Sea where they made unleavened bread, which is bread made without any ingredients. Moses went up on Mount Cyanide to get the ten commandos. He died before he ever reached Canada but the commandos made it.

Solomon had three hundred wives and seven hundred porcupines. He was A actual hysterical figure as well as being in the bible. It sounds Like he was sort of busy too. The Greeks were a highly sculptured people, and more...

10. I think of you as a brother. (You remind me of that inbred banjo-playing geek in' Deliverance.')

9. There's a slight difference in our ages. (I don't want to do my dad.)

8. I'm not attracted to you in' that' way. (You are the ugliest dork I've ever laid eyes upon.) 7. My life is too complicated right now. (I don't want you spending the whole night or else you may hear phone calls from all the other guys I'm seeing.)

6. I've got a boyfriend. (I prefer my male cat and a half gallon of Ben and Jerry's.)

5. I don't date men where I work. (I wouldn't date you if you were in the same' solar system', much less the same building.)

4. It's not you, it's me. (It's you.)

3. I'm concentrating on my career. (Even something as boring and un-fulfilling as my job is better than dating you.)

2. I'm celibate. (I've sworn off only the men like you.)

1. Let's be friends. (I want you to stay around so I can tell more...

Having grown tired of her career, a gynecologist decided to make a change and become a mechanic. She found out what was involved from her local tech college, signed up for evening classes, attended faithfully, and learned all that she could.
As the time for the practical exam approached, she carefully prepared for weeks and passed the exam with remarkable skill.
When she received her results, she was shocked to see that she had been given a grade of 150%. Fearing an error may have been made, she spoke with the instructor.
"I don't wish to appear ungrateful for such an outstanding mark, but I was wondering if there had been an error which might need adjusting," she said.
"During the exam, you took the engine apart perfectly," replied the instructor. "That was worth 50% of the total mark. You put the engine back together again perfectly, which was also worth 50% of the mark. The extra 50% I gave you is because you did all of it through the more...

I'm beat," confessed the pretty career girl to her friend. "Last night I didn't fall asleep until after three."
"No wonder you're tired," her friend replied. "Twice is usually all I need."