Carol Jokes / Recent Jokes
Two blondes, Carol and Sandi, were walking down the street. Carol noticed a compact on the sidewalk and leaned down to pick it up. She opened it, looked in the mirror and said, "Hmmm, this person looks familiar."
Sandi said, "Let me look!" So Carol handed her the compact. Sandi looked in the mirror and said, "DUH, you idiot, it's me!"
Q: Why should you be careful at Christmas?
A: There are mince spies about!
Q: Why did the duck cross the road?
A: to quack open the ice!
Q: What is a mum's favourite Christmas carol?
A: Silent Night!
Q: What happened to the man who shoplifted a calender at Christmas?
A: He got 12 months!
Q: What kind of candle burns longer?
A: No candles burn longer, they all burn shorter!
Q: Why is it always cold at Christmas?
A: Because it is Decemberrrrrrrrrrr!
Q: Who's impossible to overtake at Christmas?
A: The three wide men!
Q: What carol is heard in the desert?
A: Camel ye Faithful!
Q: What do you get if you eat Christmas decorations?
A: Tinselitus!
Q: What do you give a railway station master for Christmas?
A: Platform Shoes!
It's begun. And the Gap is to blame. They've got brightly-
dressed people having a snowball fight in a new commercial. To
the sound of "The Little Drummer Boy."
That would be the Christmas Carol, "The Little Drummer Boy. Not
the Week Before Thanksgiving Carol, mind you. And that means that
even though Christmas is, in a technical sense, more than five
weeks away, the annual bombardment of horrifyingly cheerful
Christmas music is on.
As I understand it, there was once a time when Christmas only
lasted one day. That had to end, though, so the Twelve Days of
Christmas song could get written. And without that song, how
could we have those hilarious parodies that are about to be
clogging up the airwaves? Of course, to be perfectly accurate,
it would have to be The Forty Days of Christmas now. Not that
I'm suggesting anything of the sort. Please don't write a new,
even longer version of more...
A blonde named Barbara is appearing on Who Wants To Be A Millionaire...
Regis: "Barbara, you've done very well so far - $500,000 and one lifeline left -- phone a friend. The next question will give you the first ever Million dollars if you get it right. .. but if you get it wrong you will drop back to $32,000 -- are you ready?"
Barbara: "Sure I'll have a go"
Regis: "Which of the following birds does not build it's own nest? Is it........
A - Robin, B - Sparrow, C - Cuckoo, D - Thrush.
"Remember Barbara its worth 1 Million dollars.
Barbara: " I think I know who it........ but I'm not 100%....No, I haven't got a clue. I'd like to phone a friend Regis just to be sure.
Regis: "Yes, who, Barbara, do you want to phone?
Barbara: "I'll phone my friend Carol back home in Brooklyn."
(ringing)
Carol (also a blonde): more...
eck the Halls with Buddy Holly.
- We three kings of porridge and tar.
- On the first day of Christmas my tulip gave to me.
- Later on we'll perspire, as we dream by the fire.
- He's makin' a list, chicken and rice.
- Noel. Noel, Barney's the king of Israel.
- With the jelly toast proclaim.
- Olive, the other reindeer.
- Frosty the Snowman is a ferret elf, I say.
- Sleep in heavenly peas.
- In the meadow we can build a snowman, Then pretend that he is
sparse and brown.
- You'll go down in Listerine.
- Oh, what fun it is to ride with one horse, soap and hay.
- O come, froggy faithful.
- You'll tell Carol, "Be a skunk, I require."
- Good tidings we bring to you and your kid.
The teacher gave her fifth grade class an assignment:
Get their parents to tell them a story with a moral at the end of it.
The next day the kids came back and one by one began to tell their stories
"Johnny, do you have a story to share?"
"Yes, ma'am, my daddy told a story about my Aunt Carol. Aunt Carol was a pilot in Desert Storm and her plane got hit. She had to bail out over enemy territory and all she had was a small flask of whiskey, a pistol and a survival knife. She drank the whiskey on the way down so it wouldn't fall into enemy hands and then her parachute landed right in the middle of twenty enemy troops. She shot fifteen of them with the gun until she ran out of bullets, killed four more with the knife,' till the blade broke and then she killed the last one with her bare hands."
"Good heavens," said the horrified teacher, "What kind of moral did your daddy teach you from that horrible story?"
"Stay more...
Carol had been dating one man steadily for almost a year, and her mother was growing concerned.
"Exactly what are his intentions?" she demanded.
"Well, Mom, I'm really not sure," Carol said. "He's been keepii me pretty much in the dark."