Carol Jokes / Recent Jokes

A fifth grader looked downcast, so her teacher asked, "What's the problem, Carol? I hope it's not homework again."
"Well, uh, yes, it is." replied Carol. "I was stupid and made my homework paper into a paper airplane."
"Carol, you're right, that wasn't a very bright thing to do," said the teacher, "but this once I'll let you just unfold the paper and hand it in."
"Oh, but that won't work," said Carol, looking even sadder. "You see, the plane was hijacked."

16 April 1999, Washington D. C.) We can thank our lucky stars that there are two fewer paramedics around. Carol and Mark were found dead in their suburban home by Mark's 14-year-old son. The couple were wearing respiratory masks attached to an empty canister of nitrous oxide.

Nitrous oxide, commonly known as laughing gas, produces a short-lived high, and is often used as a relaxant in dental offices and outpatient clinics. Like every other pure gas, it must be mixed with air or oxygen, lest it cause suffocation. Needless to say, Carol and Mark did not mix the nitrous oxide with air.

What makes this story a true Darwin Award candidate is that both of the deceased had enough medical training to known better. Mark was a 10-year veteran paramedic with the District of Columbia Fire Department. Carol was studying to become an emergency medical technician in a suburban fire department.

Even more amusing is a quote from the Washington D. C. Fire Department's more...

Democrats favorite Christmas carol is "Deck the Halls." Young Democrats favorite Christmas carol is "Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer." Republicans favorite Christmas carol is "White Christmas." Young Republicans favorite Christmas carol is "White Christmas."

What Christmas Carol is a favorite of parents?
Silent night

Democrats' favorite Christmas carol is "Deck the Halls." Young Democrat's favorite Christmas carol is "Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer." Republican's favorite Christmas carol is "White Christmas." Young Republicans' favorite Christmas carol is "White Christmas."

Excerpts taken from real letters sent to' Dear Abby'
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Dear Abby,
A couple of women moved in across the hall from me. One is a middle-aged gym teacher and the other is a social worker in her mid-twenties. These two women go everywhere together and I've never seen a man go into their apartment or come out. Do you think they could be Lebanese?-- Curious
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Dear Abby,
I have a man I never could trust. He cheats so much I'm not even sure this baby I'm carrying is his.
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Dear Abby,
I am a twenty-three-year-old liberated woman who has been on the pill for two years. It's getting expensive and I think my boyfriend should share half the cost, but I don't know him well enough to discuss money with more...

A Calculus Carol
written by: Denis Gannon (1940-1991)
sung to the tune of "Oh, Christmas Tree" Oh, Calculus; Oh, Calculus,
How tough are both your branches.
Oh, Calculus; Oh, Calculus,
To pass what are my chances?
Derivatives I cannot take,
At integrals my fingers shake.
Oh, Calculus; Oh, Calculus,
How tough are both your branches.
Oh, Calculus; Oh, Calculus,
Your theorems I can't master.
Oh, Calculus; Oh, Calculus,
My Proofs are a disaster.
You pull a trick out of the air,
Or find a reason, God knows where.
Oh, Calculus; Oh, Calculus,
Your theorems I can't master.
Oh, Calculus; Oh, Calculus,
Your problems do distress me.
Oh, Calculus; Oh, Calculus,
Related rates depress me.
I walk toward lampposts in my sleep,
And running water makes me weep.
Oh, Calculus; Oh, Calculus,
Your problems do distress me.
Oh, Calculus; Oh, Calculus,
My limit I am more...