Carol Jokes / Recent Jokes

What is the favorite Christmas story for moose?
A Chrismoose Carol.
Who gives presents to chickens?
Santa Clucks.
Why did Scrooge keep a pet lamb?
Because it would say "Ba aa aaaa -Humbug!"
What is the favorite Christmas treat for ducks?
Christmas Quackers
Why does Santa use reindeer to pull his sleigh and not pigs?
Because when Pigs fly everything that wasn't supposed to happen... does.
What is a dog's favorite Christmas carol?
Bark! The Herald Angels Sing...
What is a monkey's favorite Christmas carol?
Jungle Bells, Jungle Bells
What is a snake's favorite Christmas carol?
Ssssssssssssssleigh Ride.
Who delivers the cat's Christmas presents?
Santa Paws!
What do angry mice send to each other at Christmas?
Cross-Mouse cards!
How to cats greet each other at Christmas?
"A furry merry Christmas & Happy mew year"!

Bill and Carol were newlyweds. Bill thought this would be a modern marriage, meaning they would each play equal roles.
So, the first morning after their honeymoon, he brought Carol breakfast in bed.
However, Carol wasn't at all impressed by his culinary skills. Looking disdainfully at the tray, she snorted, "A poached egg? I wanted scrambled!"
Undaunted, the following morning, Bill brought his new bride a scrambled egg.
Unfortunately, Carol wasn't satisfied. "Did you ever stop to think that perhaps I like variety?" she snapped. "I wanted poached this morning!"
Determined to please her, the next morning, he brought her two eggs... one poached and one scrambled.
"Here, my darling, enjoy," he said cheerfully.
Carol was infuriated. "You scrambled the wrong egg!" she screamed.

IF DR SEUSS WROTE AN EPISODE OF ER - -Kerry: Now Mark, I think this ER's great, But.. . there are problems that can't wait! Now Benton's fine, and Carter too, But Ross and Susan just won't do! Now who do you think that we should hire, Since both of them today I'll fire? Mark: Kerry, maybe we should wait and see.. . Kerry: That's great Mark! I knew you would agree.. . Jerry: Dr. Weaver? Sorry to interrupt.. . But the paramedics just pulled up. Mark: Ok, I'm here. What have you got? Shep: This little boy has just been shot! His pulse is faint, his breath is weak. We did all we could to stop the leak. Riley: And this woman here, she has a broken hip.. . Carol: How did she fall? How did she trip? Shep: The kid's mom was getting in my hair, So I shoved her--lightly--down some stairs. Mark: Benton, Kerry! Take the mom to three! Doug and Susan! Come with me! Riley: But wait, but wait! Oh don't you see? We've got some more; one, two, and three. Kerry: You've got three more? How can this be? more...

A Sort Of Christmas Carol
(To the tune of Silver Bells)
Jingle bell, it's not so swell when you can't afford a gift.
Shopping malls are hollow halls, I'm shopping at the Thrift.
See the pawnshops, hear the teeth crunch, in nightmarish anxiety.
In the air there's a feeling of hopelessness.
Checks were cashing, then were dashing, off to spend, it's so obscene.
Hoping for more overtime.
Jingle Bell, what is that smell, oh, it's Hillary's toe.
Ringaling, is a circus thing, and were all part of the show.
People bitching, salesman pitching, there's no reason to smile.
For this I parked and had to walk a mile.
Dodge shopping carts at Wal-Marts, filled with Japanese trash.
In the Express Line price-checks and no cash.
Jingle Bell, can go to hell, Do not give to the poor.
For if you do, soon you'll need it too, and there won't be anymore.

No one can fracture a Christmas carol better than a kid. Sing along with
these new takes on old favorites:
Deck the Halls with Buddy Holly
We three kings of porridge and tar
On the first day of Christmas my tulip gave to me
Later on we'll perspire, as we dream by the fire.
He's makin' a list, chicken and rice.
Noel. Noel, Barney's the king of Israel.
With the jelly toast proclaim
Olive, the other reindeer.
Frosty the Snowman is a ferret elf, I say
Sleep in heavenly peas
In the meadow we can build a snowman,
Then pretend that he is sparse and brown
You'll go down in Listerine
Oh, what fun it is to ride with one horse, soap and hay
O come, froggy faithful
You'll tell Carol, "Be a skunk, I require"
Good tidings we bring to you and your kid

There was a pretty Nurse named Carol who broke her engagement to a doctor. She was explaining everything to a friend."Do you mean to say," exclaimed Cindy, "that the bum asked you to give back the ring AND all his presents? ""Not only that," said Carol, "he sent me a bill for 37 visits."

A blonde named Barbara is appearing on Who Wants To Be A Millionaire...
Regis: "Barbara, you've done very well so far -$500, 000 and one life line left -- phone a friend. The next question will give you the first ever Million dollars if you get it right... but if you get it wrong you will drop back to $32, 000 -- are you ready?"
Barbara: "Sure I'll have a go"
Regis: "Which of the following birds does not build its own nest? Is it...
A-Robin
B-Sparrow
C-Cuckoo
D-Thrush.
"Remember Barbara its worth 1 Million dollars.
Barbara: " I think I know who it... but I'm not 100%... No, I haven't got a clue. I'd like to phone a friend Regis just to be sure."
Regis: "Yes, who, Barbara, do you want to phone?
Barbara: "I'll phone my friend Carol back home in Brooklyn." (ringing)
Carol (also a blonde): "Hello..."
Regis: "Hello Carol, it's Regis Philbin here from Who more...