Carolina Jokes / Recent Jokes

HOW TO SAY "I LOVE YOU" IN 9 DIFFERENT LANGUAGES:

English. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . I Love you
Spanish. . . . . . . . . . . . . . Te Amo
French. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Je T'aime
German. . . . . . . . . . . . . . Ich Liebe Dich
Japanese. . . . . . . . . . . . . Ai Shite Imasu
Italian. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Ti Amo
Chinese.. . . . . . . . . . . . . . Wo Ai Ni
Swedish. . . . . . . . . . . . . . Jag Alskar
Alabama, Arkansas, North Carolina, Georgia, Tennessee, Texas,
Mississippi, North Carolina and Kentucky.. . . . . . . Nice Tits

2000 Federal Census for North Carolina Last name: ________________ First name: (Check appropriate box) (_) Billy-Bob (_) Billy-Joe (_) Billy-Ray (_) Billy-Sue (_) Billy-Mae (_) Billy-Jack What does everyone call you? (_) Booger (_) Bubba (_) Junior (_) Sissy (_) Other___________________ Age: ____ (if unsure, guess) Sex: ____ M _____ F _____ Not sure Shoe Size: ____ Left ____ Right Occupation: (Check appropriate box) (_) Farmer (_) Mechanic (_) Hair Dresser (_) Unemployed (_) Dirty Politician (_) Preacher Spouse`s Name: _________________________ 2nd Spouse`s Name: _____________________ 3rd Spouse`s Name: _____________________ Lover`s Name: __________________________ Relationship with spouse: (Check appropriate box) (_) Sister (_) Brother (_) Aunt (_) Uncle (_) Cousin (_) Mother (_) Father (_) Son (_) Daughter (_) Pet Number of children living in household: _____ Number of children living in shed: ______ Number that are yours: ______ Mother`s Name: _______________________ (If not sure, more...

Elephants may not be used to plow cotton fields. If a man and a woman who aren't married go to a hotel/motel and register themselves as married then, according to state law, they are legally married. All couples staying overnight in a hotel must have a room with double beds that are at least two feet apart. Making love in the space between the beds is strictly forbidden. It's against the law to sing off key in North Carolina.Barber: Fights between cats and dogs are prohibited. Chapel Hill: It is a misdemeanor to urinate or defecate publicly. Charlotte: Women must have their bodies covered by at least 16 yards of cloth at all times. Elon College: There is to be no roller-blading during daylight hours, on the roads, or on the bricks. All the sidewalks at this college are made of brick. Forest City: You must stop and call City Hall before entering town in an automobile. This is so the townspeople will have time to go out and hold their horses until you get through town. Greensboro: more...

South Carolina: Remember The Civil War? We Didn`t Actually Surrender
A short story...
Two boll weevils grew up in South Carolina. One went to Hollywood and became a famous actor. The other stayed behind in the cotton fields and never amounted to much. The second one, naturally, became known as the lesser of two weevils.
How do you know when you`re staying in a South Carolina hotel?
"When you call the front desk and say "I`ve gotta leak in my sink."
and the person at the front desk says "go ahead".
South Carolina: Just south of North Carolina
Dumb South Carolina Laws
It is a capital offense to inadvertently kill someone while attempting suicide.
Every adult male must bring a rifle to church on Sunday in order to ward off Indian attacks.
It is perfectly legal to beat your wife on the court house steps on Sundays.
When approaching a four way or blind intersection in a non-horse driven vehicle you must stop more...

Kansas: Toto isn't here anymore. Wisconsin: Wear cheese or die. Oklahoma: Rather Sooner than Later. Hawaii: Try our lei-away program. Mississippi: Elvis was born here, but heck, even he left. California: Hey, with this many of us, we can make it legal! New Jersey: Waste not... send it here instead. Nevada: Two to one you'll come again! Washington: If we'd meant DC, we'd have said DC, stupid. Massachusetts: Taxus Por Un Fortunat Bums. Tennessee: To stay here, you'd have to be a Volunteer! Alabama: At least you're not in Mississippi. Idaho: And don't even joke about the &%$#)%^ potatoes! West Virginia: Well, it sounded better than Eastern Ohio... Florida: Give me your sick, your old, your rich retirees... South Carolina: Settled by prisoners, what do you expect. North Carolina: Furniture out the wazoo. Maryland: The best place to get crabs. Nebraska: Not much to look at, but we sure have a lot of it. Alaska: Colder than a polar bear's patoot. South Dakota: To rent this space call more...

REAL CHEMISTRY NAMES OF REAL PEOPLE
Gold J. of North Carolina
Silver J. of North Carolina
Argon C. of Guam
Florine J. of Tennessee
Clorine J. of Maryland
Benzena J. of South Carolina
Ethyl J. of Ohio
Ether J. of Tennessee
Methyl S. of Maine
Methane M. of Alabama

Q: How many Western Carolina University students does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None - Cullowhee doesn't have electricity.