Carving Jokes

Carving a canoe isn't that hard. You just take a big block of wood and chip away everything that's not a canoe.

A blonde is eating out at a very fancy restaurant with her family. Right then she sees an ice carving of a dolphin by the wall.
She says to the waiter, "I love that ice carving, but what do you do with it when it melts?"

A 1,000 lb. chainsaw carving of former Buffalo Bills running back Thurman Thomas is missing one day after it was unveiled. But it still has more catches than Terrell Owens.

A man and his son were driving in the car, when a police pulled them over for speeding. "
Oh Shit!"
exclaimed the father.
"
What does shit mean daddy?"
Asked the little boy innocently.
"
It's...ummm, it's just what you sometimes call a police man."
When they got home, the father slipped on the doormat, "
Oh Piss!"
exclaimed the father.
"
What does piss mean daddy?"
Asked the boy innocently.
"
It's what you sometimes call, a doormat."
The father made his way to the boot rack and tripped over a chair exlaiming; "
Oh Shag!"
As he landed on it.
"
What does shag mean daddy?"
asked the little boy innocently.
"
It's another way of saying... Sit on."
The man went upstairs and was shaving his face,, when he cut himself. "
Of Bollocks!"
Exclaimed the man.
The little boy popped more...

One day before Thanksgiving, a little boy walked in on his mom and dad arguing, his mom called his dad a Bastard, and his dad called his mom a bitch. He asked what the two meant, and his mom told him ladies & Gentlemen. Later he walked in on his parents making love, and his mom said to his dad oh your dik is so big, and his dad said oh your titis are so big. The boy asked what that meant, and his mom told him Coats and hats.
So on thanksgiving his mom was carving the turkey, and she cut herself and said fuck. He asked what that meant, and she said carving. His dad was shaving, and cut himself, he said shit. tHe boy asked what that meant and his dad said shaving.
2 min. Later the family came. The boy answered the door, and said to everyoneone
" Hello Bitches and Bastards, Put your diks and titis in the closet, my mom is fucking the turkey, and my dad is shitting on his face".