Cash Jokes / Recent Jokes

How a BOY withdraws cash from ATM
1. Park the car
2. Go to ATM Machine
3. Insert card
4. Enter PIN
5. Take money out
6. Take ATM Card out
7. Drive away
How a GIRL withdraws cash from ATM
1. Park the car
2. Check makeup
3. Turn off engine
4. Check makeup
5. Go to ATM
6. Hunt for ATM card in the purse
7. Insert card
8. Hit Cancel
9. Hunt in purse for chit with PIN written on it
10. Insert card
11. Enter PIN
12. Take cash
13. Go to car
14. Check makeup
15. Start car
16. Stop car
17. Run back to ATM
18. Take ATM card
19. Back to car
20. Check makeup
21. Start car
22. Check makeup
23. Drive for 1/2 mile
24. Release handbrake

MALE PROCEDURE 1. Drive up to cash machine.
2. Wind down your car window
3. Insert card into machine and enter PIN
4. Enter amount of cash required and withdraw
5. Retrieve card, cash and receipt
6. Wind up window
7. Drive off. FEMALE PROCEDURE 1. Drive up to cash machine
2. Reverse back the required amount to align car window to machine
3. Re-start stalled engine
4. Wind down the window
5. Find handbag, remove all contents onto passenger seat to locate card
6. Locate make-up bag and check make-up in rear view mirror
7. Attempt to insert card into machine
8. Open car door to allow easier access to machine due to its excessive distance from car
9. Insert card
10. Re-insert card the right way up
11. Re-enter handbag to find diary with your PIN written on the inside back page
12. Enter PIN
13. Press cancel and re-enter correct PIN
14. Enter amount of cash required
15. Re-check make-up in more...

A numbers mob was looking for a runner to pick up betting cash in a new location( A very rich area - Expected around $200, 000 in cash daily ). A man was chosen but never showed up with the cash. Mr. Big asked the guy in charge of finding the runner, "Where is my money." The man replied that he didn't know and said that he would find him. The man located the new runner and brought him to Mr. Big's office. Mr. Big said, "Where the fuck is my money? ". The runner looked puzzled and started talking in sign language. Mr. Big said, "What the fuck is this?" The man in charge of hiring the runner explained that he was deaf and dumb and was the only person that he could find to take the job. Mr. Big said, "Do you know how to read sign language?" The man said, " No, but I'll find someone who can. ". He comes back with a female interpreter and Mr. Big asks her to ask the runner where his money is. The girl starts asking him in sign language more...

Al Gore was entertaining Joe Leiberman and decided to show off his new home. Upon entering the bedroom, Joe noticed a very large wooden box with 5 empty beer cans and about $1500. 00 in cash.
Out of curiosity, Joe asked "AL, I see you're a beer drinker, I am too! you see, we DO have something in common"
With a condescending voice, Al quipped, " yes, of course we do Joe"
Joe then asked " Al, why the 5 empty cans and all that cash"
Al gladly told Joe about his new program. " Joe, since last month, I have decided to turn a new leaf and become a more accountable person, while at the same time rewarding myself for my efforts. Whenever I tell a lie, I drink a beer and put the can in this box"
"That's really impressive", Joe replied, "only 5 beer cans in a whole month, but tell me, where did all that cash come from"?
Without missing a beat, Al responded, "Whenever the box gets full of beer cans, I more...

Gross pay: $1222. 02Income Tax244. 40 Outgo Tax45. 21 State Tax61. 10 Interstate Tax5. 89 County Tax6. 11 City Tax12. 22 Rual Tax4. 44 Back Tax1. 11 Front Tax1. 16 Side tax1. 61 Up Tax2. 22 Down Tax1. 11 Knickknack Tax1. 98 Hackensack Tax3. 93 Thumbtax0. 98 Carpet Tax0. 69 Snack Tax8. 32 Surtax3. 46 Ma'am Tax3. 46 Parking Fee5. 00 No Parking Fee10. 00 F. I. C. A. 81. 88 T. G. I. F9. 95 Life Ins. 5. 85 Health Ins. 16. 23 Disability Ins. 2. 50 Ability Ins. 0. 25 Liability Ins. 3. 41 Dental Ins. 4. 50 Mental Ins. 4. 33 Fundamental Ins. 0. 11 Coffee 6. 85 Coffee Cups66. 51 Calendar Rental3. 06 Floor Rental16. 85 Chair Rental4. 32 Desk Rental4. 32 Union Dues5. 85 Union Don'ts 3. 77 Cash Advances0. 69 Cash Retreats121. 35 Overtime 1. 26 Undertime54. 83 Eastern Time 9. 00 Central Time8. 00 Mountain Time7. 00 Pacific Time6. 00 Daylight Savings Time. 4. 44 Time Out12. 21 Oxygen 10. 22 Water16. 54 Electricity38. 23 Heat51. 42 Air Conditioning46. 83 Misc. 169. 24 Total Take Home Pay = $0000. more...

A little old lady went into the Bank of Canada one day, carrying a bag of money. She insisted that she must speak with the president of the bank to open a savings account because, "It's a lot of money!"
After much hemming and hawing, the bank staff finally ushered her into the president's office (the customer is always right!). The bank president then asked her how much she would like to deposit.
She replied, "$165, 000!" and dumped the cash out of her bag onto his desk. The president was of course curious as to how she came by all this cash, so he asked her, "Ma'am, I'm surprised you're carrying so much money.
"I make bets" the little old lady said.
"What kind of bets?" asked the bank president.
"Well, for example, I'll bet you $25, 000 that your balls are square."
"That's an absurd bet!"
"Well, will you take it?"
"Sure," said the president, "I'll bet $25, more...

Friday afternoon, the rush hour bus is jam-packed with commuters. Everyone was feeling like sardines in a can.

People stood face-to-face, back-to-back.

A young woman was wearing a miniskirt was feeling particularly uncomfortable with her situation.

As if feeling discomfort, a construction worker behind her said, "Pardon me, miss, but that thing pressing into your back is my weekly pay. .. today they only paid us hard cash!"

"I don't mind your hard cash," replied the woman, "but how do you explain your pay increase since the last stop?"