Cash Jokes / Recent Jokes

The following supposedly a true story. This guy walked into a little corner store with a shot gun and demanded all the cash from the cash drawer. After the cashier put the cash in a bag, the robber saw a bottle of scotch that he wanted behind the counter on the shelf. He told the cashier to put it in the bag as well, but the cashier refused and said "Because I don't believe you are over 21." The robber said he was, but the clerk still refused to give the scotch to him because he didn't believe him. At this point the robber took his drivers license out of his wallet and gave it to the clerk. The clerk looked it over, and agreed that the man was in fact over 21 and he put the scotch in the bag. The robber then ran from the store with his loot. The cashier promptly called the police and gave the name and address of the robber that he got off of the license. They arrested the robber two hours later.

HIS:
1. Pull up to ATM
2. Insert card
3. Enter PIN and account
4. Take cash, card and receipt
5. Drive away
HERS:
1. Pull up to ATM
2. Back up and pull forward to get closer
3. Shut off engine
4. Put keys in purse
5. Get out of car because you're too far from machine
6. Hunt for card in purse
7. Insert card
8. Hunt in purse for grocery receipt with PIN written on it.
9. Enter PIN
10. Study instructions.
11. Hit "cancel"
12. Re-enter correct PIN
13. Check balance
14. Look for envelope
15. Look in purse for pen
16. Make out deposit slip
17. Endorse checks
18. Make deposit
19. Study instructions
20. Make cash withdrawal
21. Get in car
22. Check makeup
23. Look for keys
24. Start car
25. Check makeup
26. Start pulling away
27. Stop
28. Back up to machine
29. Get out of car
30. Take card and more...

The following is supposedly a true story. To be included, besides being true, the story is most likely strange, weird, surprising, or funny.Farmer's Branch, Texas:Customers waiting for car repairs at Swedish Auto Incorporated now have an alternative to reading old magazines.William Signs, owner of the garage, is offering a free marriage ceremony with any 30,000-mile inspection on Hondas, Volvos and BMWs. For the $290 price of the inspection, he will throw in the cost of being married by the local justice of the peace, a $25 value.The inspection comes with a warranty, but there is no guarantee on the marriage. Then again, the justice of the peace, Judge Bob Forman, suggests, "Maybe the car will break down and the marriage won't." He says he hasn't seen anything like this stunt since his days as a practicing attorney, when a client asked him to draw up wills for employees in lieu of cash bonuses at Christmas.Signs said he got the idea during a trip to Las Vegas, where he more...

Back when Bill Clinton and Hillary got married Bill told her, "There's one thing I want you to know. There's a box under my bed, and I don't want you to look in it until I die." Hillary agreed to this but, over the years, the curiosity got the better of her, and she finally looked in it. She found three beer cans and 1.5 million dollars in cash. When she asked Bill what the beer cans were for, he replied, "Well, those are for all the times I've cheated on you." Hillary said, "Well, that's not bad after all these years, and you being a politician, and traveling and all." She was about to leave, but then she said, "Hey, Bill, what about the 1.5 million dollars?" Bill replied, "That's for all the times the box got full and I had to cash the cans in."

Friday afternoon, the rush hour bus is jam-packed with commuters.

Everyone was feeling like sardines in a can. People stood face-to-face, back-to-back.

A young woman was wearing a miniskirt was feeling particularly uncomfortable with her situation.

As if feeling discomfort, a construction worker behind her said, "Pardon me, miss, but that thing pressing into your back is my weekly pay. .. today they only paid us hard cash!"

"I don't mind your hard cash," replied the woman, "but how do you explain your pay increase since the last stop?"

You have a picture of Johnny Cash, Willie Nelson, or Elvis over your fireplace.

A MINISTER due to go on a foreign tour had a lot of cash lying with him. He thought it would be safest left with the Prime Minister and requested him to keep it for him till he returned. The Prime Minister agreed but insisted that the transaction be witnessed by two of his senior assistants. "Money matters can lead to misunderstanding," said the PM. "It is always wise to have two witnesses."
The Minister saw the wisdom of the advice. The cash was handed over to the PM in the presence of two of his senior advisers.
Some weeks later when the Minister returned home, he called on the PM and asked for the return of the money.
"What money?" asked the PM "I don't know what you are talking about?"
"The cash I left with you," pleaded the Minister. You even had two of your senior advisers as witnesses."
"Let's ask them," replied the PM. The senior advisers were sent for.
"Do you know anything more...