Cash Jokes / Recent Jokes
A numbers mob was looking for a runner to pick up betting cash in a new location( A very rich area - Expected around $200,000 in cash daily ). A man was chosen but never showed up with the cash. Mr. Big asked the guy in charge of finding the runner, "Where is my money." The man replied that he didn't know and said that he would find him. The man located the new runner and brought him to Mr. Big's office. Mr. Big said, "Where the fuck is my money? ". The runner looked puzzled and started talking in sign language. Mr. Big said, "What the fuck is this?"The man in charge of hiring the runner explained that he was deaf and dumb and was the only person that he could find to take the job.Mr. Big said, "Do you know how to read sign language?"The man said, " No, but I'll find someone who can. ". He comes back with a female interpreter and Mr. Big asks her to ask the runner where his money is. The girl starts asking him in sign language where more...
After spending 3-1/2 hours enduring the long lines, surly clerks, and insane regulations, at the department of motor vehicles, I stopped at a toy store to pick up a gift for my son.
I brought my selection - a baseball bat - to the cash register.' Cash or charge?' the clerk asked.
'Cash,' I snapped. Then realizing that my pent-up frustrations had just leaked out, I apologized for my rudeness, and explained:' I've spent the afternoon at the Department of Motor Vehicles.'
'Shall I giftwrap the bat?' the clerk asked sweetly.' Or are you going back there?'
His
Pull up to ATM
Insert card
Enter PIN and account
Take cash, card and receipt
Drive away
Hers
Pull up to ATM
Back up and pull forward to get closer
Shut off engine
Put keys in purse
Get out of car because you're too far from machine
Hunt for card in purse
Insert card
Hunt in purse for grocery receipt with PIN written on it
Enter PIN
Study instructions
Hit "cancel"
Re-enter correct PIN
Check balance
Look for envelope
Look in purse for pen
Make out deposit slip
Endorse checks
Make deposit
Study instructions
Make cash withdrawal
Get in car
Check makeup
Look for keys
Start car
Check makeup
Start pulling away
Stop
Back up to machine
Get out of car
Take card and receipt
Get back in car
Put card in wallet
Put receipt in checkbook
Enter deposits and withdrawals in checkbook
Clear area in purse for wallet and more...
Boys
1. Drive to the bank, park and go to the Cash Dispenser.
2. Insert card
3. Dial code and desired amount
4. Take the cash, the card and the slip
Girls
1. Drive to the bank
2. Engine stalled
3. Check make-up in the mirror
4. Apply perfume
5. Manually check haircut
6. Park the car - failure
7. Park the car - failure
8. Park the car - Success
9. Search for the card in the handbag
10. Insert card, rejected by the machine
11. Throw phone card back in handbag,
12. Look for bank card.
13. Insert Card
14. Look for Secret Box (where secret code is written)in Handbag
15. Enter code
16. Study instructions for 2 minutes
17. Cancel
18. Re-enter code
19. Cancel
20. Call Boyfriend/husband to get correct the code
21. Enter desired amount
22. Error
23. Enter bigger amount
24. Error
25. Enter maximum amount
26. Cross fingers
27. Take more...
After spending the better part of an afternoon enduring the long lines, surly clerks and insane regulations at the Department of Motor Vehicles, a man stopped at a toy store to purchase a gift for his son.
He selected a baseball bat and took it to the cash register.
"Will that be cash or charge, sir?" asked the clerk.
"Cash," the man snapped. Realizing he had been rude, he apologized to the clerk and explained that he had just spent the afternoon at the D.M.V.
"Well, in that case, sir," the clerk said, "shall I gift wrap the bat, or are you going back there?"