Catfish Jokes

Q: How do you kill 4000 lawyers?
A: You build a new Titanic and declare it cannot sink.
Q: What's the strongest argument against both theories of origin?
A: Politicians and lawyers. Who in their right mind would create (or evolve into) these species?
Q: If a lawyer and an IRS agent were both drowning, and you could only save one of them, would you go to lunch or read the paper?
Q: How many lawyers does it take to stop a moving bus?
A: Never enough.
Q: Have you heard about the lawyers word processor?
A: No matter what font you select, everything come out in fine print.
Q: What do you get when you cross the Godfather with a lawyer?
A: An offer you can't understand.
Q: What do you buy a friend graduating from Law School?
A: A lobotomy.
Q: What is the difference between a catfish and a lawyer?
A: One's a bottom-crawling scum sucker and the other's just a fish.
Q: What is the difference between a female lawyer and a more...

* If you yelled for 8 years, 7 months and 6 days, you would have produced enough sound energy to heat one cup of coffee.

* The human heart creates enough pressure while pumping to squirt blood 30 feet.

* Banging your head against a wall uses 150 calories an hour.

* On average people fear spiders more than they do death.

* The strongest muscle in the body is the TONGUE.

* It's impossible to sneeze with your eyes open.

* You can't kill yourself by holding your breath.

* Americans on the average eat 18 acres of pizza every day.

* Every time you lick a stamp, you're consuming 1/10 of a calorie.

* Did you know that you are more likely to be killed by a champagne cork than by a poisonous spider?

* Right-handed people live, on average, nine years longer than left-handed people do.

* In ancient Egypt, Priests plucked EVERY hair from their bodies, including their eyebrows more...

Q: Do you know how to save a drowning lawyer?
A: You don’t know how? Good!

Q: Where can you find a good lawyer?
A: In the cemetary.

Q: What’s the difference between a lawyer and a boxing referee?
A: A boxing referee doesn’t get paid extra for a longer fight.

Q: What’s the difference between a lawyer and a leech?
A: When you die, a leech will stop sucking your blood and drop off.

Q: What’s the difference between a lawyer and an angry rhinoceros?
A: The lawyer charges more.

Q: What’s the difference between a lawyer and a trampoline?
A: You take off your shoes to jump on a trampoline!

Q: What’s the difference between a lawyer and a computer nerd?
A: Sooner or later everyone needs a lawyer.

Q: What’s the difference between a lawyer and a catfish?
A: One is a scum-sucking bottom feeder, and the other is a catfish.

Q: What’s the difference between more...

Q: What's the difference between a catfish and a lawyer? A: Ones a gross dirty slimy scum-sucking bottom-feeder, and ones a fish...

What's the difference between a lawyer and a boxing referee?
A boxing referee doesn't get paid extra for a longer fight.
What's the difference between a lawyer and a leech?
When you die, a leech will stop sucking your blood and drop off.
What's the difference between a lawyer and an angry rhinoceros?
The lawyer charges more.
What's the difference between a lawyer and a trampoline?
You take off your shoes to jump on a trampoline!
What's the difference between a lawyer and a computer nerd?
Sooner or later everyone needs a lawyer.
What's the difference between a lawyer and a catfish?
One is a scum-sucking bottom feeder, and the other is a catfish.
What's the difference between a dead skunk in the road and a dead lawyer in the road?
There are skid marks in front of the skunk.
What's the difference between a hooker and a lawyer?
A hooker will stop screwing you after you are dead.
What's the difference between a more...