Cattle Jokes / Recent Jokes
The following is supposedly a true story. To be included, besides being true, the story is most likely strange, weird, surprising, or funny.Wednesday, October 21, 1992A Japanese rancher told reporters in Tokyo in July that he herds cattle by outfitting them with pocket pagers (beepers), which he calls from his portable phone.After a week of training, the cows associate the beeping with eating and hustle up for grub.
A New York family bought a ranch out West where they intended to raise cattle. Friends visited and asked if the ranch had a name." Well," said the would-be cattleman, "I wanted to name it the Bar-J. My wife favored Suzy-Q, one son like the Flying-W, and the other wanted the Lazy-Y. So we're calling it the Bar-J-Suzy-Q-Flying-W-Lazy-Y." "But where are all your cattle?" the friends asked." None survived the branding."
1. According to Movie Life magazine, Ann-Margaret would like to start having babies soon, but her husband wants her to wait awhile. Why?
- Paul Lynde: He's out of town
2. Dennis Weaver, Debbie Reynolds, and Shelley Winters star in the movie,' What's The Matter With Helen?' Who plays Helen?
- Charley Weaver: Dennis Weaver-that's why they asked the question
3. What are' dual-purpose cattle' good for that other cattle aren't?
- Paul Lynde: They give milk. .. and cookies, but I don't recommend the cookies
4. Who stays pregnant for a longer period of time, your wife or your elephant?
- Paul Lynde: Who told you about my elephant?
5. When a couple have a baby, who is responsible for its sex?
- Charley Weaver: I'll lend him the car. The rest is up to him
6. Robert Young recently stated,' I never, never give. ..' something to his fans who ask for it. What?
- Paul Lynde: A hysterectomy
7. James more...
Knock Knock
Who's there!
Cattle!
Cattle who?
Cattle always purr when you stroke her!
One Sunday a cowboy went to church. When he entered, he saw that he and the preacher were the only ones present. The preacher asked the cowboy if he wanted him to go ahead and preach. The cowboy said, "I'm not too smart, but if I went to feed my cattle and only one showed up, I'd feed him."
So the minister began his sermon.
One hour passed, then two hours, then two-and-a-half hours. The preacher finally finished and came down to ask the cowboy how he liked the sermon. The cowboy answered slowly,
"Well, I'm not very smart, but if I went to feed my cattle and only one showed up, I sure wouldn't feed him all the hay."
A man takes his wife to the cattle stock show. They start heading down the alley that had the bulls.
They come up to the first bull and his sign stated:"This bull mated 50 times last year."
The wife turns to her husband and says,"He mated 50 times in a year, you could learn from him."
They proceed to the next bull and his sign stated:"This bull mated 65 times last year."
The wife turns to her husband and says,"This one mated 65 times last year. That is over 5 times a month. You can learn from this one, also."
They proceeded to the last bull and his sign said: "This bull mated 365 times last year."
The wife's mouth drops open and says,"WOW! He mated 365 times last year. That is ONCE A DAY!!! You could really learn from this one."
The man turns to his wife and says,"Go up and ask if it was 365 times with the same cow."
A cowboy entered a church one Sunday morning and noticed that he and the preacher were the only ones present.
The preacher asked the cowboy if he wanted him to go ahead with his sermon. The cowboy said, "I may not be too smart, but if I went to feed my cattle and only one showed up, I'd feed him."
So, the preacher began his sermon. One hour passed, then two hours, then three. Finally, the preacher finished and came down to ask the cowboy how he enjoyed the sermon.
The cowboy answered slowly, "Well, I may not be too smart, but if I went to feed my cattle and only one showed up, I sure wouldn't feed him all the hay!"