Cattle Jokes / Recent Jokes
One Sunday a cowboy went to church. When he entered, he saw that he and the preacher were the only ones present. The preacher asked the cowboy if he wanted him to go ahead and preach.
The cowboy said, "I'm not too smart, but if I went to feed my cattle and only one showed up, I'd feed him."
So the minister began his sermon.
One hour passed, then two hours, then two-and-a-half hours. The preacher finally finished and came down to ask the cowboy how he liked the sermon.
The cowboy answered slowly, "Well, I'm not very smart, but if I went to feed my cattle and only one showed up, I sure wouldn't feed him all the hay."
Why don't Blondes make good cattle herders. Because they can never keep two calves together.
A number of years ago, a wealthy Texas rancher had a daughter who was about marrying age. But the rancher was afraid that someone would try to marry his daughter just for his money. So he decided to throw a party and invite all of the eligible men. At the party everyone was enjoying Texas longhorn steaks, Lone Star beer, etc.
After a while, the rancher gathered everyone over to his olympic-sized swimming pool. He and his daughter were on one side, all of the eligible men were on the other.
He announced to the men, "I have filled my pool with alligators, crocodiles, piranha, snakes, and all sorts of man-eating vermin. The first young man to jump in and make it across my pool alive receives 1 of 3 things. He may have 10,000 acres of my finest land, 5,000 head of my finest cattle, or my daughters hand in marriage."
Immediately a young man was in the pool, arms flailing, feet kicking, and waves splashing all around. He jumped out of the pool, his shirt, jeans, and more...
1. According to Movie Life magazine, Ann-Margaret would like to start having babies soon, but her husband wants her to wait awhile. Why? Paul Lynde: He's out of town
2. Dennis Weaver, Debbie Reynolds, and Shelley Winters star in the movie,' What's The Matter With Helen?' Who plays Helen? Charley Weaver: Dennis Weaver-that's why they asked the question
3. What are' dual-purpose cattle' good for that other cattle aren't? Paul Lynde: They give milk. .. and cookies, but I don't recommend the cookies
4. Who stays pregnant for a longer period of time, your wife or your elephant? Paul Lynde: Who told you about my elephant? 5. When a couple have a baby, who is responsible for its sex? Charley Weaver: I'll lend him the car. The rest is up to him
6. Robert Young recently stated,' I never, never give. ..' something to his fans who ask for it. What? Paul Lynde: A hysterectomy
7. James Stewart did it over twenty years ago when he was forty-one more...
One Sunday a cowboy went to church. When he entered, he saw that he and the preacher were the only ones present.
The preacher asked the cowboy if he wanted him to go ahead and preach.
The cowboy said, "I'm not too smart, but if I went to feed my cattle and only one showed up, I'd feed him."
So the minister began his sermon. One hour passed, then two hours, then two-and-a-half hours. The preacher finally finished and came down to ask the cowboy how he liked the sermon.
The cowboy answered slowly, "Well, I'm not very smart, but if I went to feed my cattle and only one showed up, I sure wouldn't feed him all the hay..."
One Sunday a cowboy went to church. When he entered, he saw that he and the preacher were the only ones present. The preacher asked the cowboy if he wanted him to go ahead and preach.
The cowboy said, "I'm not too smart, but if I went to feed my cattle and only one showed up, I'd feed him."
So the minister began his sermon.
One hour passed, then two hours, then two-and-a-half hours. The preacher finally finished and came down to ask the cowboy how he liked the sermon.
The cowboy answered slowly, "Well, I'm not very smart, but if I went to feed my cattle and only one showed up, I sure wouldn't feed him all the hay."
A very wealthy man named Dick always had dinner parties to show off how wealthy he is. One night, the party shifted to the backyard, where Dick's pool was.
Dick announced to the everyone around, "I have a proposition for everyone. Whoever can swim across this pool filled with sharks, alligators, and snakes and makes it out alive, can have one of three things. You can have 1000 head of my cattle, 100 acres of my best oil fields, or my daughter's hand in marriage."
As soon as he said that, he heard a splash at the other end of the pool. A young man was swimming as fast and as furiously as he could. When he made it to the other end of the pool, Dick exclaimed, "Well son, I guess you want my 1000 head of cattle." The boy replied "No." "Then you want my 100 acres of my best oil fields." And again, the boy said "No." "Oh, then you want my daughter's hand in marriage."
And the boy said, "No. I more...