Cautious Jokes

Aman walks inot a bar with a monkey on his shoulder.He steps up to the bar, sets the monkey on the bar, slidesthe peanut bowl ove to the monkey, then orders a beer. While the man is drinking his beer, the monkey takes a peanut, hulls it, looks at it, stickes it up his ass, then eats the peanut. the brtender sees this and tells the man,"Hey! Get that nasty animal outa my bar."
"What nasty animal?"
The man replies. "That monkey"says the bartender,"He's hulling those peanuts, sticking them up his ass, then eating them."
"Oh, He's not being nasty .He's being cautious."
The man says. "How do you figure that?"
ask the bartender. "Well you see," explained the man,"my monkey used to be a gluttion. Then one day a woman gave him a peach, and after passing that pit, now he makes sure it fits befor he eats it"

Merry Christmas from Your Cautious Attorney

Please accept without obligation, express or implied, these best wishes for an environmentally safe, socially responsible, low stress, non-addictive, and gender-neutral celebration of the winter solstice holiday as practiced within the most enjoyable traditions of the religious persuasion of your choice (but with respect for the religious or secular persuasions and/or traditions of others, or for their choice not to practice religious or secular traditions at all) and further for a fiscally successful, personally fulfilling, and medically uncomplicated onset of the generally accepted calendar year (including, but not limited to, the Christian calendar, but not without due respect for the calendars of choice of other cultures). The preceding wishes are extended without regard to the race, creed, age, physical ability, religious faith or lack thereof, choice of computer platform, or sexual preference of the wishee(s).