Cave Jokes / Recent Jokes
A Belgian met a Dutch friend, who was driving a Rolls Royce and spending money like water.
' How did you het so rich?' the Belgian asked.
' I went to Canada, to shoot bears. The fur coats are very expensive.'
' How do you go about shooting bears?'
' It's very simple. You should go there in winter. When you enter a cave you will find a bear. Since it is in hybernation, it is very easy to shoot it.'
Three months later they meet again. This time the Belgian is entirely wrapped in bandages.
' What has happened to you?'
' Well' the Belgian replies:' I went to Canada, I entered a cave with my gun, and then suddenly... the train came'.
Joey decided to take a week off from the pressures of the office and went skiing. Alas, no sooner did he reach the slopes than he heard an ominous rumbling: moments later a sheet of snow came crashing toward him.
Fortunately, Joey was able to jump into a cave just before the avalanche hit. Just as fortunately, he had matches with him and was able to light a fire.
Hours later, when everyone but Joey had returned, a rescue team was sent to search for him. After several hours they saw smoke curling from the cave and went to investigate.
Poking his head into the entrance, one of the rescuers yelled, "Mr. Joey, are you there? It's the Red Cross."
Bristling, the harried Joey called back, "Get lost. I gave at the office!"
Two vampire bats wake up in the middle of the night, thirsty for blood. One says, "Let's fly out of the cave and get some blood."
"We're new here," says the second one. "It's dark out, and we don't know where to look. We'd better wait until the other bats go with us."
The first bat replies, "Who needs them? I can find some blood somewhere." He flies out of the cave.
When he returns, he is covered with blood.
The second bat says excitedly, "Where did you get the blood?"
The first bat takes his buddy to the mouth of the cave. Pointing into the night, he asks, "See that black building over there?"
"Yes," the other bat answers.
"Well," says the first bat, "I didn't."
A vampire bat came flapping in from the night covered in fresh blood and parked himself on the roof of the cave to get some sleep. Pretty soon all the other bats smelt the blood and began hassling him about where he got it. He told them to leave him alone and let him get some sleep but they persisted until finally he gave in."OK, OK, do you see that tree out there?" he asked, pointing through the mouth of the cave."Yes, yes, yes!" the bats all screamed in a frenzy."Good," said the first bat, "Because I didn't!"
During World War II, a US marine was separated from his unit on a Pacific island. The fighting had been intense, and in the smoke and the crossfire he had lost touch with his comrades.
Alone in the jungle, he could hear enemy soldiers coming in his direction. Scrambling for cover, he found his way up a high ridge to several small caves in the rock. Quickly he crawled inside one of the caves. Although safe for the moment, he realized that once the enemy soldiers looking for him swept up the ridge, they would quickly search all the caves and he would be killed.
As he waited, he prayed, Lord, if it be your will, please protect me. Whatever your will though, I love you and trust you. Amen.
After praying, he lay quietly listening to the enemy begin to draw close. He thought, well, I guess the Lord isn't going to help me out of this one.
Then he saw a spider begin to build a web over the front of his cave. As he watched, listening to the enemy more...
Dear Friends,
We are going to live in this cave for quite a while, so we need a few "good neighbor" rules
- Everyone try and keep the cave clean. Do not leave crumbs on the floor.
- It is very rare that I give television interviews, and when I do so, I am trying to scare the most powerful country in the world. So please do not wave at the camera behind my back.
- We all also need to try and keep our beards clean, especially after we eat.
- Last, there has been word that American soldiers are trying to infiltrate our ranks in disguise. To combat this, starting tonight, we will have 24-7 patrol around the cave. The first patrol will be made up of Ahmed, Omar, Muhammad, and Richard.
Love,
Osama