Celebrity Jokes / Recent Jokes
January - Took new scarf back to store because it was too tight. February - Fired from pharmacy job for failing to print labels....."duh".....bottles won't fit in typewriter!!! March - Got excited.....finished jigsaw puzzle in 6 months.....box said "2-4 years!" April - Trapped on escalator for hours.....power went out!!! May - Tried to make Kool-Aid.....8 cups of water won't fit into those little packets!!! June - Tried to go water skiing.....couldn't find a lake with a slope. July - Lost breast stroke swimming competition.....learned later, other swimmers cheated, they used their arms!!! August - Got locked out of car in rain storm.....car swamped, because top was down. September - The capital of California is "C".....isn't it??? October - Hate M & M's.....they are so hard to peel. November - Baked turkey for 4 1/2 days.....instructions said 1 hour per pound and I weigh 108!!! December - Couldn't call 911....."duh".....there's no more...
The McCartney kids are at the family ranch anxiouslyawaiting news of their mother. Paul emerges from his wife's bedroom. "Kid's...... there's good news and bad news." "The bad news is your mother's strength and will tolive has been sucked away by her awful disease and shedied a few moments ago" "The good news is.... It's steak and chips for dinner!"
Jennifer Love Hewitt & Jennifer Aniston were in a parking lot of Hollywood studios trying to unlock the door of their Mercedes with a coat hanger. They tried and tried to get the door open, but they just couldn't! Jennifer Aniston stopped for a moment to catch her breath. Jennifer Love Hewitt said anxiously, "Hurry up! It's starting to rain and the top is down."
Here's a gross one: What's the similarity between Michael Jackson and McDonalds? They both stick their beef between 9 year old buns.
Pamela Anderson was driving her kids to Disney Land in her new Jaguar XK (convertible). When they were about half way there, the Pamela Anderson saw a sign that said "Disney Land Left," so Pamela turned back around and went home.
Nancy Reagan is the celebrity contestant on Password. It's her turn to guess the word. Voice Over: And the password is.. . black dick! Nancy: Um.. . is it a place? Her partner: No. Nancy: Is it a person? Her partner: No. Nancy: Hmm, then it must be a thing. Um, is it something Imight want to eat? Her partner, exasperated: Well, I dunno, maybe. Nancy: Is it black dick?
One day Steven Spielberg, Arnold Schwarzenegger, and Pierce Brosnan were in a jungle in order to take some shots for a new movie.
Unfortunately, they were caught by a tribal group. As they were about to be executed they pleaded to the Queen of the Tribe for her mercy. She said, ”Get me something good to eat. If I like it, you will be freed. ” The three stars agreed. Then went into the jungle to look for some food
Spielberg was the first to come back. He came up to the altar and offered grapes. She tasted one and immediately spat it out. She ordered her servants to shove the rest of them up his ass. The servants finished their duty, leaving a screaming Spielberg.