Cell Jokes / Recent Jokes

According to today's regulators and bureaucrats, those of us who were kids in the 40's, 50's, 60's, or even maybe the early 70's probably shouldn't have survived.

Our baby cribs were covered with bright colored lead-based paint.

We had no childproof lids on medicine bottles, doors or cabinets, and when we rode our bikes, we had no helmets. (Not to mention the risks we took hitchhiking.)

As children, we would ride in cars with no seat belts or air bags.

Riding in the back of a pickup truck on a warm day was always a special treat.

We drank water from the garden hose and not from a bottle. Horrors!

We ate cupcakes, bread and butter, and drank soda pop with sugar in it, but we were never overweight because we were always outside playing. We shared one soft drink with four friends, from one bottle, and no one actually died from this.

We would spend hours building our go-carts out of scraps and then rode down the more...

According to a recent study, driving while using a cell phone is more dangerous than driving with a.08 percent blood alcohol level, considered legally impaired in most states. However, the study does not take into account the fact that someone who is legally impaired is also likely to be on their cell phone-booty calling a fat chick.

How To Identify Where A Driver Is From One hand on wheel, one hand on horn: Chicago One hand on wheel, one finger out window: New York One hand on wheel, one hand on newspaper, foot solidly on accelerator: Boston One hand on wheel, cradling cell phone, brick on accelerator: California. With gun in lap: Riverside Both hands on wheel, eyes shut, both feet on brake, quivering in terror: Ohio, but driving in California. Both hands in air, gesturing, both feet on accelerator, head turned to talk to someone in back seat: Italy One hand on latte, one knee on wheel, cradling cell phone, foot on brake, mind on game: Seattle One hand on wheel, one hand on hunting rifle, alternating between both feet being on the accelerator and both on the brake, throwing a McDonalds bag out the window: Texas city male One hand constantly refocusing the rearview mirror to show different angles of the BIG hair, one hand going between mousse, brush, and rattail to keep the helmet hair going, both feet on the more...

A young man wanted to get his beautiful blonde wife something nice for their first wedding anniversary. So, he decides to buy her a cell phone. She is all excited and she loves her phone. He shows her and explains to her all the features on the phone.

The next day the blonde goes shopping and to the beauty parlor. Her phone rings and it's her husband. "Hi hon," he says, "How do you like your new phone?"

"I just love it, it's so small and your voice is clear as a bell. But there's one thing I don't understand. How did you know I was at the beauty parlor?"

1. Demonstrate the skills needed to decorate a wedding cake and how to conceal weapons.
2. Be forced to make her cell mattress with sheets from her K-Mart collection.
3. Embroider her monogram on her lively orange jumpsuit.
4. Teach prison workers the fine art of nouvelle cuisine.
5. Create whimsical centerpieces out of cigarette butts and playing cards.
6. Soften the entrance of the prison with decorative wreaths made of barbed wire and chicken bones.
7. Paint a charming window scene in her prison cell.
8. Weave sun hats for daily outings to the highway for trash pickup detail.
9. Decoupage license plates.
10. Be tortured in solitary confinement with her own television show played 24 hours a day.

Investigations are still underway about whether Brett Favre used a Packers-issued cell phone to contact the Vikings. Chances are he didn't, because Minnesota is a whole state away, and the Packers use Sprint.

A blond gets a new cell phone from her husband. The next day she goes to Wal-mart and her phone rings, so she answers it.
It was her husband. He says, "How's the new cell phone?"
She replied, "Great... but how did you know I was at Wal-mart?"