Ceremony Jokes / Recent Jokes
A New York judge is presiding over the divorce proceedings of a Jewish couple.
When the final papers have been signed and the divorce is complete the woman thanks the judge and says "Now I have to arrange for a Get."
The judge inquires what she means by a Get. So, the woman explains that a Get is a religious ceremony required under the Jewish religion in order to receive a divorce.
The judge says, "You mean a religious ceremony like a Bris?
She replies "Yes, very similar, only in this case you get rid of the entire schmuck.
A funeral service is being held in a church for a woman who has just passed away. At the end of the service, the pall-bearers are carrying the casket out when they accidentally bump into a wall, jarring the casket. They hear a faint moan. They open the casket and find that the woman is actually still alive. She lives for ten more years and then dies. A ceremony is again held at the same church and at the end of the ceremony, the pall bearers are again carrying out the casket. As they are walking, the husband cries out, "WATCH OUT FOR THAT WALL!"
A teacher in New York decided to honor each of her seniors in
high school by telling them the difference they each made. Using a
process developed by Helice Bridges of Del Mar, California, she called
each student to the front of the class, one at a time. First she told
them how the student made a difference to her and the class. Then she
presented each of them with a blue ribbon imprinted with gold letters
which read, "Who I Am Makes a Difference."
Afterwards the teacher decided to do a class project to see what
kind of impact recognition would have on a community. She gave each
of the students three more ribbons and instructed them to go out and
spread this acknowledgment ceremony. Then they were to follow up on the
results, see who honored whom and report back to the class in about a
week
One of the boys in the class went to a junior executive in a
nearby company and honored him for helping him with his more...
A funeral service is being held in a synagogue for a woman who has just passed away. At the end of the service the pallbearers are carrying the casket out, when they accidentally bump into a wall jarring the casket.
They hear a faint moan. They open the casket and find that the woman is actually alive.
She lives for ten more years and then dies. A ceremony is again held at the same synagogue and at the end of the ceremony the pallbearers are again carrying out the casket.
As they are walking the husband cries out, "Watch out for the wall!"
On a very romantic day lover asked his girl friend,'darling will you give me ring on ring ceremony?'
Girl friend,'ya, sure give me your number i'll give you the ring twice if you say'.
When I was a church custodian, thene Pastor that was my boss, would have me help before, during and after weddings. He was an older Priest, but he was ahead of his time. He walked up & down the isles while preaching (years before it was an order) and he even had a shirt collar microphone 3years before any other Pastor!
Immediately after a wedding, the Bride & Groom would walk out of the church and stand outside, at the main doors of the church, and accept the well-wishes of the people who attended the wedding (ie a "recieving line").
Meanwhile I would be in the church, quickly gathering up the white runner (from the center isle) and straightening up the Alter area & would put all the large and small Alter chairs back against the Alter walls, so they wedding party could return to the Alter for the "Wedding photo shoot" (after the attendees went to the Reception Hall).
Meanwhile my boss, The Pastor, would collect up the wedding items, Holy Water and etc., more...
During one of his many trips to London, George Burns became friends with a very
wealthy, yet very modest, Jewish chap named Hyman Goldfarb. On one visit,
Hy told George that because of his large donations to charities through the
years, the queen wanted to knight him, but he was going to turn it down.
"That's a great honor," George said. "Why would you turn it down?"
"Because during the ceremony you have to say something in Latin," he said.
"And I don't wish to bother studying Latin just for that."
"So say something in Hebrew. The queen wouldn't know the difference."
"Brilliant," Hy complimented me, "but what should I say?"
"Remember that question the son asks the father on the first night of
Passover?... 'Why is this night different from all other nights?' Can
you say that in Hebrew?"
"Of course," he said. "Ma nishtana ha leila hazeh. Thank more...