Chained Jokes

Aamir Khan, Vivek Oberoi and Salman Khan die together in an accident and go
to heaven. When they get there, St. Peter says, "We only have one rule here
in heaven: Don`t step on the ducks!"
So they enter heaven, and sure enough, there are ducks all over the place.
It is almost impossible not to step on a duck, and although they try their
best to avoid them, Aamir accidentally steps on one. Along comes St. Peter
with the ugliest woman he has ever seen. St. Peter chains them together
and says, "Your punishment for stepping on a duck is to spend eternity
chained to the ugly woman!"
The next day, Vivek Uberoi steps accidentally on a duck, and along comes St. Peter, who doesn`t miss a thing, and with him is another extremely ugly woman. He chains them together with the same admonishment as for Aamir Khan.
Salman has observed all this and not wanting to be chained for all
eternity to an ugly woman, is very, VERY more...

A writer died and St. Peter offered him the option of going to hell or to heaven. To help decide, he asked for a tour of each destination. St. Peter agreed and decided to take him to hell first. As he descended into the fiery pits, the writer saw row upon row of writers, chained to their desks in a steaming sweatshop. As they worked, they were repeatedly whipped with thorny lashes by demons. "Oh, my," the writer said, "let me see heaven."
A few moments later, as they ascended into heaven, the writer saw row upon row of writers, chained to their desks in a steaming sweatshop. As they worked, they, too, were whipped with thorny lashes by demons.
"Hey," the writer said, "this is just as bad as hell."
"Oh, no it's not," St Peter replied, "here your work gets published!"

I dreamt last night that I went to Heaven, and I met St. Peter at the Pearly Gates. I asked him that since I arrived in Heaven if I could take a look around the place. St. Peter agreed, and even came along with me to show me around. We went a ways, until we met President Clinton, tied to one of the most ugliest beast you could ever, ever imagine. It was nearly human, probably about 95 years old, 5 inch thick glasses, grease just dripping off its body, muttering every now and then like a sick crow. We asked Willie why he was chained to this awful creature.
Willie replied: "Well, when I used to live on Earth, I committed a number of sins, and now I'm chained to this really ugly old thing as penance."
We wished President Clinton the best of luck, and moved on. A while later we met with none other than Elvis Presley, the King of Rock, and he was tied to another of the most ugliest creatures you could imagine, even worse than the first one. We asked Mr. Presley why he was more...

A writer dies and reaches the Golden Gates where God gives him a choice to either go to Heaven or Hell. He finds it difficult to make up his mind so he asks God if he can have a little tour of both places.
God agrees and they first go to Hell where the writer sees rows and rows of writers, chained to their desks in an overheated room, being whipped if they stopped writing for a second by merciless editors and publishers. This really frightens the writer who then proceeds to Heaven hoping it'll be better.
In Heaven too he sees rows of writers, chained to their desks in an over heated room, being whipped mercilessly.
So he turns to God and says, "But they're both the same!" To which God replies, "Oh no. Here in Heaven your work gets published!"

A writer dies and reaches the Golden Gates where God gives him a choice to either go to Heaven or Hell. He finds it difficult to make up his mind so he asks God if he can have a little tour of both places.
God agrees and they first go to Hell where the writer sees rows and rows of writers, chained to their desks in an overheated room, being whipped if they stopped writing for a second by merciless editors and publishers. This really frightens the writer who then proceeds to Heaven hoping it'll be better.
In Heaven too he sees rows of writers, chained to their desks in an over heated room, being whipped mercilessly.
So he turns to God and says, "But they're both the same!"
To which God replies, "Oh no. Here in Heaven your work gets published!"