Chained Jokes / Recent Jokes

Three women die together in an accident
and go to heaven. When they get there,
St. Peter says, "We only have one rule
here in heaven... don't step on the ducks."
So they entered heaven, and sure enough,
there are ducks all over the place. It
is almost impossible not to step on a
duck, and although they try their best
to avoid them, the first woman
accidentally steps on one.
Along comes St. Peter with the ugliest
man she ever saw. St. Peter chains them
together and says, "Your punishment for
Stepping on a duck is to spend eternity
chained to this ugly man!" The next
day, the second woman steps accidentally
on a duck, and along comes St. Peter,
who doesn't miss a thing, and with him
is another extremely ugly man. He
chains them together with the same
admonishment as for the first woman.
The third woman has observed all this
and not wanting to be chained for more...

A writer dies and reaches the Golden Gates where God gives him a choice to either go to Heaven or Hell. He finds it difficult to make up his mind so he asks God if he can have a little tour of both places. God agrees and they first go to Hell where the writer sees rows and rows of writers, chained to their desks in an overheated room, being whipped if they stopped writing for a second by merciless editors and publishers. This really frightens the writer who then proceeds to Heaven hoping it'll be better. In Heaven too he sees rows of writers, chained to their desks in an over heated room, being whipped mercilessly. So he turns to God and says, "But they're both the same!"To which God replies, "Oh no. Here in Heaven your work gets published!"

Three guys die together in an accident and go to heaven.
When they get there, St. Peter says, "We only have one rule here in heaven... don't step on the ducks."
So, they enter heaven, and sure enough, there are ducks all over the place.
It is almost impossible not to step on a duck, and although they try their best to avoid them, the first guy accidentally steps on one. Along comes St. Peter with the ugliest woman he ever saw.
St. Peter chains them together and says, "Your punishment for stepping on a duck is to spend eternity chained to this ugly woman!"
The next day, the second guy steps accidentally on a duck, and along comes St. Peter, who doesn't miss a thing, and with him is another extremely ugly woman. He chains them together with the same admonishment as for the first guy.
The third guy has observed all this and not wanting to be chained for all eternity to an ugly woman, is very, VERY careful where he steps.
He manages to go more...

One day there are three drunk teenagers (girls). In the middle of the night they are driving home. The driver swirves and goes off a cliff and all three die.
In heaven there is only one rule don't step on a duck (there are ducks every where). So a few hours later the first woman steps on a duck and gets chained to the ugliest man ever.
So a couple daps later the second woman steps on a duck and gets chained two the second ugliest man in heaven.
So years go by and the third woman is shopping and all of the sudden a handsome man gets chained to her. She then says "
what i didn't step on a duck."
And the man says "
but i did."

Dieter Bohlen, Tom Cruise and Brad Pitt are perished with a motoring accident. Arrived in heaven, Petrus open them the door and say:"step in but there's one rule who you must observe: never trample on a duck or else there are disastrouses consequences for you."
When then they stepped in, all the floor was full with ducks. They tried hard that it don't happen this. But the first who happened this was Brad Pitt. Petrus brang him an ugly maid, chained them together and said:"You'll spend the rest of your life together and you never get unchained."
On the next day, Tom Cruise trampled on a duck. Petrus brang him even a much uglier maid, chained them together and said:"You'll spend the rest of your life together and you never get unchained."
Dieter Bohlen didn't trample now on a duck more than a month. Petrus came to him with an unbelievable beautiful maid how Dieter did't she visualize in his wildest dreams. Then he meant to her:"What I more...

Dear Star Savior,

Hi. It's Playboy magazine publisher Hugh Hefner. One of my three girlfriends has decided to stop seeing me. I saw this coming after I told her that I don't want to be married and have children. She's still here in the Playboy Mansion, but she says it's over, so I guess it's over. What do you think I should do?


Dear Hugh,

You are absolutely right. When she says it's over, it's over, and there is nothing to keep her from leaving. But there should be. Nothing keeps a relationship going like shackles. I promise: She won't ever leave you if she can't.

You need to make a grand romantic gesture to keep her from leaving you, and the best way to say “don’t leave me” is to chain her to a radiator. That's right: Imprisonment can be romantic.

Keeping her as a captive girlfriend instead of a wife guarantees that she won’t go anywhere. If she runs away from your marriage, she gets half of your money. If she tries to run more...

A writer died and St. Peter offered him the option of going to hell or to heaven. To help decide, he asked for a tour of each destination. St. Peter agreed and decided to take him to hell first. As he descended into the fiery pits, the writer saw row upon row of writers, chained to their desks in a steaming sweatshop. As they worked, they were repeatedly whipped with thorny lashes by demons. "Oh, my," the writer said, "let me see heaven."
A few moments later, as they ascended into heaven, the writer saw row upon row of writers, chained to their desks in a steaming sweatshop. As they worked, they, too, were whipped with thorny lashes by demons. "Hey," the writer said, "this is just as bad as hell."
"Oh, no it's not," St Peter replied, "here your work gets published!"