Chairman Jokes / Recent Jokes

In the wake of the Federal anti-trust
suit against Microsoft, Sony has
announced its own computer operating
system now available on its hot new
portable PC called the Vaio.
Instead of producing the cryptic
error messages characteristic of
Microsoft's Windows 95, 3. 1, and
DOS operating systems, Sony's chairman
Asai Tawara said, "We intend to capture
the high ground by putting a human,
Japanese face on what has been --
until now -- an operating system that
reflects Western cultural hegemony.
For example, we have replaced the
usual impersonal and unhelpful Microsoft
error messages with our own
Japanese haiku poetry."
The chairman went on to give examples
of Sony's new error messages:

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A file that big?
It might be very useful.
But now it is gone.
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The Web site you more...

The newly appointed chairman of the local fund-raising committee decided to call personally at the home of the town's wealthiest citizen, a man known for his tightness with a dollar. Remarking on the impressive economic resources of his host, the committee chairman pointed out how miserly it would seem if the town's richest man failed to give a substantial donation to the annual charity drive.
"Since you've gone to so much trouble checking on my assets," the millionaire retorted, "let me fill you in on some facts you may have overlooked. I have a ninety-one-year-old mother who has been hospitalized for the past five years, a widowed daughter with five young children and no means of support, and two brothers who owe the Government a fortune in back taxes. Now, I think you'll agree, young man, that charity begins at home."
Ashamed for having misjudged his host, the fund raiser apologized for his tactlessness and added, "I had no idea that you were more...

Mar 18, 1997 (AP)
Following the recent announcement that all available humor has been used, and is now being recycled, a very unexpected reactionhas occurred in Congress. Responding to a flood of calls and letters,, members of both houses of Congress have come together to attempt to resolve the problem. In a rare show of bipartisan cooperation, a majority of Senators and Representatives signed a letter to the President asking him to release some of the US strategic reserves of humor.
It is a little known fact, but the United States keeps a large reserve of humor, in a manner similar to that in which oil reserves are stored. Located in abandoned salt caves buried deep in Louisiana, the humor is stored for times of national emergency and general unhappiness.
Speaker of the House Newt Gingrich, in a statement made during a press conference to announce the letter stated: "The American people have spoken. The vas majority of the comments we have all received have been from more...