Chairman Jokes / Recent Jokes

"Computers in the future may weigh no more than 1.5 tons."
- Popular Mechanics, forecasting the relentless march of science, 1949
"I think there is a world market for maybe five computers."
- Thomas Watson, chairman of IBM, 1943
"I have traveled the length and breadth of this country and talked with the best people, and I can assure you that data processing is a fad that won't last out the year."
- The editor in charge of business books for Prentice Hall, 1957
"But what... is it good for?"
- Engineer at the Advanced Computing Systems Division of IBM, 1968, commenting on the microchip.
"There is no reason anyone would want a computer in their home."
- Ken Olson, president, chairman and founder of Digital Equipment Corp., 1977
"640K ought to be enough for anybody."
- Bill Gates, 1981
"This 'telephone' has too many shortcomings to be seriously considered as a means of more...

APPLICANTS for a job asked to appear before an interview board were told that the candidate who gave the briefest reply would be selected. First came a young man from Lucknow. Being a well-bred Lukhnavi, he knocked gently on the door and asked,' Sir, have I Your Honour's permission to come in?'
'Rejected!' replied the Chairman of the Selection Board.
The second was an equally well-bred Tamilian:' May I enter, Sir?' he asked.
'Rejected!' bawled the Chairman of the Board.
The third was a Punjabi. He pushed open the door and asked,' Vadaan?' (Enter?)
'Selected!' replied the Chairman.

From former chairman of the US Federal Reserve Paul Volcker according
to the Wall Street Journal:
A parrot fancier who happened into a London pet shop noticed a
particularly colorful bird and asked its price.
"Five thousand pounds," the shop owner replied.
"Five thousand pounds?" the man asked. "Why so much?"
"Well, this bird speaks fluent Italian, Spanish and French, is
brushing up on his German and starting to study English," came the
reply. "With the European Community's unification due in 1992, he'll
be a great asset."
"I don't care about the Common Market," the parrot fancier said.
"What about that gray one in that other cage?"
The gray one was 15,000 pounds, he was told, because the bird spoke
Arabic, Chinese, and Korean and was learning Japanese-"the
languages of the 21st century."
"I'm too old to worry about the 21st century," more...

The senile chairman of the board walked into the meeting, ponderously took his seat, and looked to his left.
"My word," he muttered, "look at you, Laurence! You've lost weight, got rid of your eye- glasses, and-correct me if I'm wrong-but even the color of your hair is different."
The senior VP squirmed uneasily. "Excuse me, Mr. Eisner, but. . . I'm not Laurence."
"Good Lord!" the old man exclaimed, "you've even changed your name!"

Two opposing county chairman were sharing a rare moment together. The Democratic chairman said, "I never pass up a chance to promote the party. For example, whenever I take a cab, I give the driver a sizable tip and say,' Vote Democratic.'" His opponent said, "I have a better scheme, and it doesn't cost me a nickel. I don't give any tip at all. And when I leave, I also say,' Vote Democratic.'"

(Forwards deleted to protect the innocent)
The following is from the business section of The Kansas City Star, Jan 17, 1995:
"Computers in the future may weigh no more than 1.5 tons."
- Popular Mechanics, forecasting the relentless march of science, 1949.
"I think there is a world market for maybe five computers."
- Thomas Watson, chairman of IBM, 1943.
"I have traveled the length and breadth of this country and talked with the best people, and I can assure you that data processing is a fad that won't last out the year."
- The editor in charge of business books for Prentice Hall, 1957.
"But what... is it good for?"
- Engineer at the Advanced Computing Systems Division of IBM, 1968, commenting on the microchip.
" There is no reason anyone would want a computer in their home."
- Ken Olson, president, chairman and founder of Digital Equipment Corp., 1977.

Bill Gates is hanging out with the chairman of General Motors.' If automotive technology had kept pace with computer technology over the past few decades,' boasts Gates,' you would now be driving a V-32 instead of a V-8, and it would have a top speed of 10,000 miles per hour,' says Gates.' Or, you could have an economy car that weighs 30 pounds and gets a thousand miles to a gallon of gas. In either case, the sticker price of a new car would be less than $50,' he continues. In response to all this goading, the GM chairman replies,' Yes, but would you really want to drive a car that crashes four times a day?'