Character Jokes / Recent Jokes

AQUARIUS (Jan. 20 - Feb. 18) Star Wars Character: Darth Vader Vader can be cruel and torment people who disagree with him but deep down there is a peace-loving, friendly side to him. He has a knack for inflicting pain on people and he uses his intellect during battle.
PISCES (Feb. 19 - Mar. 20) Star Wars Character: Lando Lando is the typical character with his head in the clouds. He is self-sacrificing but may be too passive to stand up to Vader. He became fairly pessimistic when put under pressure. He also poses as a chameleon wanting to change his scenery on occasion.
ARIES (March 21 - April 19) Star Wars Character: The Emperor The Emperor has demonstrated his liking to inflict pain on people just as people born under the sign Aries often do. He feels he is at the center of the universe and he must be in control. He enjoys being a leader and his aggression and quick-tempered attitude also helps him with this.
TAURUS (April 20 - May 20) Star Wars Character: Chewbacca more...

A woman was suing a man for defamation of character, charging that he had called her a pig. The man was found guilty and fined.
After the trial, he asked the Judge, "Does this mean that I can't call Miss Stuart a pig?" The Judge said that was accurate.
"Does this also mean that I can't call a pig 'Miss Stuart'?" the man asked. The Judge told the man that he could indeed call a pig 'Miss Stuart' with no fear of legal action.
The man then turned to Miss Stuart and said, "Good afternoon, Miss Stuart!"

It is said: "A thief is a person of low position, but he can outwit a man of noble character." In the Shuifu Temple of my county, there was a big hanging bell. Once some countrymen from Baling came down the river and moored their boat nearby. They wanted to steal the bell with which to cast farming tools. Between them they removed the bell from the belfry and lowered it onto the ground. Having stuffed the bell with mud, they smashed it into pieces and carried the fragments away with shoulder poles. Not a sound was heard by the villagers in the neighborhood. Again I heard of a thief who broke into a house in broad daylight and stole a chime stone. * When he stepped out the door into the street, he fell in with the master of the house coming home. "Grandpa," the thief greeted him and asked, " do you want to buy a chime stone?" "No, thanks," replied the old man, " I already have one at home." Thereupon, the thief walked off with what he more...

The policemen caught a thief and produce before him to court.
Then the angry judge shoughted on theif saying that, dont you have character, every alternate day you come in the court?
Then the theif smiled and replied that, i do you have character, but sir, do you have, you come daily in the court?

Cartoon Laws of Physics
Cartoon Law I Any body suspended in space will remain in space until made aware of its situation.
Daffy Duck steps off a cliff, expecting further pastureland. He loiters in midair, soliloquizing flippantly, until he chances to look down. At this point, the familiar principle of 32 feet per second per second takes over.
Cartoon Law II Any body in motion will tend to remain in motion until solid matter intervenes suddenly.
Whether shot from a cannon or in hot pursuit on foot, cartoon characters are so absolute in their momentum that only a telephone pole or an outsize boulder retards their forward motion absolutely. Sir Isaac Newton called this sudden termination of motion the stooge's surcease.
Cartoon Law III Any body passing through solid matter will leave a perforation conforming to its perimeter.
Also called the silhouette of passage, this phenomenon is the speciality of victims of directed-pressure explosions and of reckless cowards more...

Any body suspended in space will remain in space until made aware of its
situation.
Daffy Duck steps off a cliff, expecting further pastureland. He loiters in
mid air, soliloquizing flippantly, until he chances to look down. At this
point, the familiar principle of 32 feet per second per second takes over.
Any body in motion will tend to remain in motion until solid matter
intervenes suddenly.
Whether shot from a cannon or in hot pursuit on foot, cartoon characters are
so absolute in their momentum that only a telephone pole or an outsize
boulder retards their forward motion absolutely. Sir Isaac Newton called
this sudden termination of motion the stooge's surcease.
Any body passing through solid matter will leave a perforation
conforming to its perimeter.
Also called the silhouette of passage, this phenomenon is the speciality of
victims of directed-pressure explosions and of reckless cowards who are so
eager to escape that more...

1. Battle droids in a high tech galactic civilisation where FTL travel is common have targeting systems inferior to those on a F-15.

2. Actually, their targeting systems are inferior to a spastic eight year old with a slingshot.

3. After the Jedi Knights have proven they can deflect laser bolts with their light sabers, the battle droids never think to stop firing.

4. Rather than having integral weapons systems, battle droids are cleverly designed to carry weapons that can be picked up and used against them by their opponents.

5. In the Star Wars universe, "Palpatine" means "Clinton."

6. A Phantom Menace character's level of annoying goofiness is directly proportional to the number of action figures of said character Lucasfilms hopes to sell to small children.

7. The Planet Naboo has underwater Rastafarians, but not underwater ganja.

8. Darth Maul has a black robe, a black shirt, black more...