Charlie Jokes / Recent Jokes

Charlie and George were sitting in the park, talking, when the subject turned to getting older. Charlie said to George, "Women have all the luck when it comes to getting older."
"What do you mean?" asked George.
"Well," replied Charlie, "I can barely remember the last time I was able to get it up in bed, but my wife is healthier than ever!"
"Healthier? How is that?" his buddy wondered.
"Years ago, when we were younger, almost every night before bed she'd get these terrible headaches," he answered. "Now that we're older, she hasn't had a headache in years."

Crazy Charlie, the used-car dealer, was out to break all sales records with his "like new" models. A large sign in his window announced: "A Blonde Free with Each Car."
A delighted young wolf plunked down his cash and, hot with anticipation, drove his newly won blonde out into the country. He parked, gave her a couple of preliminary kisses, and whispered a suggestion in her ear.
She shook her head, smiled, and said, "You got that when you bought this car."

Charlie Daniels is your commencement speaker.
After the divorce you still call your Ex "Cuz".
You have a bowling machine in your kitchen.

Charlie had a massive heart attack and died. His body was delivered to the mortuary. He had been wearing an expensive, expertly tailored black suit at the time of his demise, so he really looked wonderful, considering the circumstances. His wife went to the funeral home to make the final arrangements for his interment. She spoke to the mortician about what her husband would be wearing. The mortician pointed out that the man looked really nice in the black suit he was wearing, and that frankly it would be easier and less expensive to leave him dressed as he was. The woman noted that Charlie had always looked his very best in blue, and that she really wanted him in a blue suit for his trip to eternity. To silence the mortician's continued outcries, she gave him a blank check and said, "I don't care what it costs, but please have my husband in the very best blue suit money can buy for the ceremony." The woman came back the next day for the wake. To her delight, she found her more...

Charlie wanted a new birth control method and his doctor suggested a vasectomy. Charlie agreed and the doctor said he could perform the operation in his office. At a crucial moment during the procedure one of Charlie's testicles fell to the floor, and the nurse, who was wearing high heels, accidentally stepped on it and crushed it.
However, the doctor noticed a jar of pickled onions on his nurse's desk.
Taking an onion, and realizing it was the right size and weight, he placed it in Charlie's scrotum and completed the operation.
A few months later Charlie returned for a check up. When the doctor asked how things were going, Charlie replied. "Pretty good, Doc. At least my wife's not pregnant, but there are some strange side effects. Every time we make love, my wife gets heartburn; when I pee my eyes water; and whenever I pass a hamburger stand, I have an erection.

Charlie was in a bar and three babes came up and started hitting on him. He asked if they wanted to come over to his house later. They agreed to come over at after they went home and got ready. Charlie had a friend who worked in a drugstore, so he went to see him. He asked his friend if he had anything that would keep him hard all night long. The man laughed and handed him a bottle of pills instructing him not to take more than one. Once at home, Charlie figured with three women he should take three pills, so he gulped them down. The next day Charlie showed up at the drugstore to see his friend. Asking for some liniment, he showed him his dick which was ripped to shreds. In disbelief, his friend asked if he was sure that he wanted to put liniment on his dick. Charlie replied "No, I need it for my arms the women never showed up!"

A husband and his wife are spending a quiet evening watching TV. Suddenly, a loud knock sounds at the door.
Charlie says, "Sit still Helen, I'll see who it is."
He opens the door and is startled to see a huge masked man. He jumps back in surprise and says, "Are you a robber?"
"No, I'm a rapist!"
Charlie yells, "Helen, it's for y-o-o-u- u-u!"