Chauffeur Jokes / Recent Jokes

Rush Limbaugh and his chauffeur were out driving in the country and accidentally hit and killed a pig that had wandered out on a country road. Limbaugh told the chauffeur to drive up to the farm and apologize to the farmer. They drove up to the farm, the chauffeur got out and knocked on the front door and was let in. He was in there for what seemed like hours. When the chauffeur came out, Limbaugh was confused about why his driver had been in there so long. "Well, first the farmer shook my hand, then he offered me a beer, then his wife brought me some cookies, and his daughter showered me with kisses." explained the driver. "What did you tell the farmer?" Limbaugh asked. The chauffeur replied, "I told him I was Rush Limbaugh's driver and I'd just killed the pig."

Rush Limbaugh is being driven through the country and when he nears a farm, the chauffeur accidentally runs over a pig. Rush Limbaugh says that the chauffuer better go in and apologize and pay for the pig. The chauffuer is in there for 10 hours. When he comes out, Rush Limbaugh asks what happened and the chauffeur says, "Well, I went in and told them and the farmer gave me a feast and the mother and daughter gave me incredible sex for 7 hours!!" "Well, what did you say?!" cries Rush Limbaugh jealously. "Oh, I told them that I was Rush Limbaugh's chauffeur and I'd just killed the pig."

A rich society lady was being driven home in the rain when her Rolls Royce gets a puncture.The car slowly stopped, and the chauffeur got out. After a long delay the society lady wound down the window. "Do you want a screwdriver?" she asked.The chauffeur shrugged. "Might as well," he said," I can't get this bloody hub cap off!!!

CHAUFFEUR
French for a "heater." Originally this term was used for a particularly nasty breed of robbers, who broke into houses, seized the occupants, and then tortured them by burning their feet in the fireplace until they disclosed where they had stashed their valuables.
Later, the word was applied to stokers of steam engines, including the early steam powered automobiles. Finally, chauffeur came to mean the driver of any car.
DIPLOMAT
Greek for "folded twice." A diplomat dealt in matters so secret that the documents required this special precaution.
LORD
In Old English the head of the house was called the hlafweard: "loaf warden," or "master of the bread." This approached the 1960s slang "bread" for what most people called money.
On the way to lord it passed through many intermediate forms, such as hlaford and louerd.
Similarly, a lady was originally the "bread-kneader," hlaefdige, before more...

Her Majesty, the Queen, and Her Royal Highness, Princess
Diana, were out for a drive in the country. Suddenly, upon a quiet
road, they were set upon and stopped by a highwayman. He forced
them out of the car at gunpoint, and demanded their jewels.
"Give me your tiara, Ma'am," demanded the robber.
"I'm sorry," replied the Queen. "I did not wear my tiara today."
"Well then, give me your ring, your highness!" demanded the robber.
"I'm sorry, but I didn't wear my ring today," replied the Princess.
Frustrated, the robber waved them away, and drove off with the
Bentley, getting at least something for his efforts. The Queen, Princess
and their chauffeur made it back to Windsor castle, where they related
their ordeal to the Queen Mother.
After the Queen Mother received an account of the robbery
she turned to Queen Elizabeth and asked, "I thought that you wore
your tiara more...

Rush Limbaugh and his chauffeur were out driving in the country and accidentally hit and killed a pig that had wandered out on a country road.
Limbaugh told the chauffeur to drive up to the farm and apologize to the farmer. They drove up to the farm, the chauffeur got out and knocked on the front door and was let in. He was in there for what seemed hours. When he came out, Limbaugh was confused about why his employee had been there so long.
"Well, first the farmer shook my hand, then he offered me a beer, then his wife brought me some cookies, and his daughter showered me with kisses," explained the driver.
"What did you tell the farmer?" Limbaugh asked.
The chauffeur replied, "I told him that I was Rush Limbaugh's driver and I'd just killed the pig.