Cheating Jokes / Recent Jokes
"COMMON SIGNS OF A CHEATING SPOUSE"
HUSBAND:
Chances are that if you suspect your husband is cheating on you, he probably is. But before you call your lawyer or if you think you're just being paranoid, check out these signs of infidelity.
1. Your cheating husband tells you he just hired a new assistant and that she's not very pretty. However, when you meet her for the first time, she's absolutely gorgeous. If your husband isn't cheating, or thinking about it, he wouldn't lie to you about her looks.
2. Cheating husband comes home with lipstick on his collar and says a colleague accidentally bumped into him.
3. Suddenly, cheating husband starts coming home later than usual. He makes excuses that he's working late or hanging around with buddies for a couple of drinks after work. Many times he's telling the truth, but if it happens more often then not, you may have a problem.
4. You are getting phone calls from women who claim that they work more...
I was cheating on my wife with my blonde secretary... She found lipstick on my collar, covered with White-Out.
This guy walks into a petstore. For the past two weeks he has suspected his wife of cheating on him, so he decides to buy a parrot that can tell him what goes on at his housee during the day while he is at work.
'Well' says the petstore owner, 'I only got one bird that can do that, but he's got no legs. The guy looks at him and says, 'Well if he ain't got no legs, how's he balance himself on the perch.
'He's got a really long penis, so he wraps it around the perch.' The guy thinks it over and decides to buy the parrot. He takes it home and sure enough the bird wraps his penis around the perch for balance.
Everyday the man comes home and asks the parrot if his wife has been cheating on him. Everytime the same answer, 'Raawk, nothing doing, Raawk'. Well, one day he comes home and finds the parrot lying on the bottom of its birdcage. He picks it up and asks what has happened. 'Raawk, big happenings, Raawk, big happenings'. 'Well, what happened?' asks the man. The parrot more...
A blonde suspects her boyfriend of cheating on her, so she goes out and buys a gun. She goes to his apartment unexpectedly and when she opens the door she finds him in the arms of a redhead. Well, the blonde is really angry. She opens her purse to take out the gun, and as she does so she is overcome with grief. She takes the gun and puts it to her head.
The boyfriend yells, "No, honey, don't do it."
The blonde replies, "Shut up, you're next."
A cheating painting contractor has been skimping by thinning his paint excessively. Nevertheless, he lands a big job painting a church. He's almost done when a major storm comes up. It washes all the paint off. Midst the thunder and lightening, a loud voice is heard, REPAINT, and REPAINT, THIN NO MORE!
On a sheet of paper, draw a picture of a pig.
Do your best.
Then scroll down and read the rest of this message.
Don't cheat, because if you do it won't work.
Draw the pig first and just follow the instructions, it won't take but a minute.
Have fun. This is quite interesting! You must not scroll down until you have drawn the pig.
Draw your picture. No cheating now. You will find this veryinteresting if you draw your picture first!
***
YOU'RE CHEATING! DRAW THE FRIGGIN PIG!!!
IT RUINS THE JOKE IF YOU DON'T DRAW THE PIG. IT
DOESN'T HAVE TO LOOK GOOD. JUST DO IT. IT'LL TAKE 20 SECONDS.
YOU'LL BE SORRY IF YOU DIDN'T DRAW THE PIG.
***
The pig serves as a useful test of the personality traits of the drawer.
If the pig is drawn:
Toward the top of the paper, you are positive and optimistic.
Toward the middle, you are a realist.
Toward the bottom, you are pessimistic, and have a tendency to behave negatively.
Facing more...
A man comes home from work and walks in his house. Now on top of a really bad day he comes to see his wife in a towel and his bed extreamly messed up. He suspects his wife is cheating on him. The man walked into his room where a naked an stand in hiss balconey. Her husband now in an up roar pushes the naked man out the balconey door.
The husband stomping on the mans hands trying to make him drop. Finally he fell into a great thing of bushes. But he handt died. So the husband took the fridge and threw it out the window. Unfortunately the cord wrapped around the mans ankle and died as well.
The he meets up with god and he says that heaven is full. But "god said" if you tell me the how you died and how bad it was then i will let you in.
The Husband agrees to his offer. The husbands began to explain, well on top of a bad day at work i come home to my wife cheating on me and the man was hanging out my balconey window so i threw the fridge on him and the cord wrapped more...