Check-up Jokes / Recent Jokes
A guy goes for his annual check-up, and about a week later his doctor calls him in to give him the results.
"Well," says the doc, "You're in pretty good health, however I do have some good news and bad news for you."
"Give me the GOOD news first." requests the guy.
"You're penis is three inches longer than it was on your last physical."
"That's GREAT!" exclaims the guy, "but what's the BAD news?"
The doctor replies, "It's malignant!"
Tony was a typical forward in the football team - big and tough. But he was in trouble. He had put on too much weight and was told if he didn't lose some quickly, he'd be dropped from the team. He consulted a doctor at the sports clinic.
"We're testing a new method of weight reduction" said the Dr, "and we'd like you to try it out. You can eat as anything you like, and as much as you like, but instead of eating it, you must consume it anally." "What! Shove it up my arse?" asked Tony. "That's right" the Dr replied, "but there is one possible side effect... there's a 50% chance you may become homosexual." Tony was very concerned about this but really wanted to be on the team so he agreed.
Three weeks later, Tony returned to the Dr looking trim and fitter. "This is great!" he said. "I can eat anything I like. All I do is shove it up me bum!". "And you look great!" said the Dr "any more...
Ninty-year-old Morris goes to his GP for a check-up. A few weeks later, the doctor sees him in the street with a gorgeous, busty young woman on his arm. "You're really doing well, aren't you?" he tells the elderly gent. Morris replies, "Just doing what you said, Doctor:' Get a hot mama and be cheerful'." "No," says the GP. "I said,' You've got a heart murmur-be careful.'"
A feeble old man is in his doctor's office having a check-up. The doctor finishes the check-up says to the man, "So, you seem in fine health. Any problems?" "Yes, Doc," the old man slowly responded. "My sex drive is too high and I need it lowered." This took the doctor quite by surprise. "You're 84 years old, and you're in fine health for a man of your age, and I know men half your age who would kill for a problem like that. So, why are you complaining?" Well," the old man said, "I see all these sexy nurses at the home, and when I go for a walk, I see all these cute honeys all around, so that's why I'm here, Doc. I want my sex drive lowered." Still confused, the doctor said, "I would think that at your age, you wouldn't complain about a high sex drive." "Doc," the old man said, "You don't understand. I need my sex drive lowered from here," pointing to his head, "to here," pointing to between more...
The check-up
Rivkah went to her doctor for a check up. Afterwards, the doctor said to her, "I must inform you that you have a fissure in your uterus, and if you ever have a baby it would be a miracle."
As soon as she got home, Rivkah said to her husband, "You vouldn`t belief it. I vent to the doctah and he told me - `You haf a fish in your uterus and if you haf a baby it vill be a mackerel`"