Chemistry Jokes / Recent Jokes

A small piece of sodium which lived in a test tube fell in love with a Bunsen burner. "Oh Bunsen, my flame. I melt whenever I see you. . . ", the sodium pined."It's just a phase you're going through", replied the Bunsen burner.

Before I came to college I wish I had known...
that it didn't matter how late I scheduled my first class I'd sleep right through it.
that I would change so much and barely realize it.
that you can love a lot of people in a lot of different ways.
that college kids throw airplanes, too.
that if you wear polyester everyone will ask you why you're so dressed up.
that every clock on campus shows a different time.
that if you were smart in high school - so what?
that I would go to a party the night before a final.
that chem labs require more time than all my other classes put together.
that you can know everything and fail a test.
that you can know nothing and ace a test.
that I could get used to almost anything I found out about my roomie.
that home is a great place to visit.
that most of my education would be obtained outside my classes.
that friendship is more than getting drunk together.
that I would be one of those people more...

IT'S OFFICIAL: CHEMISTRY LECTURES ARE A YAWN.
October 9, 1995
A scientist has come up with proof of something students have known for years - chemistry lectures are boring. In an article published in the current issue of Chemistry in Britain, a university chemistry lecturer introduced a guest lecturer to a class of 50 doctoral candidates.
Then, he and his colleagues studied variations in what he calls the HTFDR - "head-to-floor distance reduction." After about an hour, the average HTFDR dropped from 135cm to 121cm, said the author of the study, who preferred to remain anonymous.
The HTFDR immediately bounced back to normal when the speaker uttered the magic words: "And in conclusion..."

College by Dave Barry Many of you young persons out there are seriously thinking about going to college. (That is, of course, a lie. The only things you young persons think seriously about are loud music and sex. Trust me: these are closely related to college.) College is basically a bunch of rooms where you sit for roughly two thousand hours and try to memorize things. The two thousand hours are spread out over four years; you spend the rest of the time sleeping and trying to get dates. Basically, you learn two kinds of things in college: * Things you will need to know in later life (two hours). These include how to make collect telephone calls and get beer and crepe-paper stains out of your pajamas. * Things you will not need to know in later life (1,998 hours). These are the things you learn in classes whose names end in -ology, - - -osophy, -istry, -ics, and so on. The idea is, you memorize these things, then write them down in little exam books, then forget them. If you fail to more...

Momo's chemistry teacher wanted to teach his ninth grade class a lesson on the evils of liquor so he produed a glass of water, a glass of whiskey, and two worms.
"Observe" he told his class as he began to put one of the worms in the glass of water. This worm swam about freely and looked as happy as can be.
He then put the second worm in the glass of whiskey and it to swam about for a moment but then started to shake and fell to the bottom dead.
"Now" he asked "What lesson can we learn from this experiment?"
"Thats easy," replied Momo. "Drink whiskey and you won't get worms."

What is chemistry's greatest achievement...
Artificial blondes!

What is chemistry's greatest achievement... Artificial blondes!